Mar

16

While you’re…still in Jamaica…

Written by

yfdIt’s like news from a sinking ship: text messages, calls from borrowed cell phones, and internet cafe e-mails have been pouring in recently from those stranded in exotic spring break locales (including the ridiculous number congregating here). The nastiness outside in New York grounded over a thousand planes, foiling the homework plans and sinking the budgets of partiers scattered across the Carribean.

Perhaps most troublingly, it seems that key members of the student government are missing. The CCSC VP Funding is stuck in the Bahamas, the VP Communications is stuck in Fort Lauderdale, and the senior class president is somewhere between here and Jamaica. Thankfully, the VP Policy is safe at Columbia, and we can only presume that the President and VP Campus life are in secure, undisclosed locations.

The VP Communications sends these observations from Fort Lauderdale:

Man on Phone: “It’s so fucked up. It’s so fucked up, Steph.”

Woman, probably wife, on other end: “…”

Man: “What the fuck do you want me to do? Grow wings and fly? I don’t feel good.”

Woman: “…”

Man: “Why don’t I try to rebook it? What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing for the last 30 minutes? Can’t you just call them from home and pretend that you’re me?”

Wife: “…”

Man: “OK! You’re a woman! Not a good plan. I need to go. I need to eat.  I’m getting dizzy.”

More after the jump…

“I just went to the Greyhound station, which was fully stocked with hot GIRLS and BOYS looking very afraid of the CRACK addicts and people AFRAID to FLY.  One group, hailing from Rutgers University, expressed amazement that it would take 28 hours to make it back to New Jersey.

The people of Florida, however, are a kind people.  I’m sitting in a Starbucks writing this missive, waiting for my new flight down in West Palm Beach (yes, I’ll be visiting 8th & Ocean before my flight), and one of the barista associate employees offered me the use of cellphone because mine has no JUICE.  The chairs are luxurious here: fine green velvet chairs being enjoyed by middle-aged men between the ages of 35

and 50.”

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12 Comments

  1. not old

    There are so many old people in Florida. It's something that's amazed me every single time I go out to eat. Seniors! Everywhere!

  2. schadenfreude

    Thank you, Bwog, for making me feel slightly better about being stuck here for spring break. I may be trapped inside due to an evil ice storm, but at least I'm at home and not stuck in an airport or Starbucks. It's a small comfort after an extremely boring spring break, but a comfort nevertheless.

  3. Gloater  

    I flew out Thursday and came in Wednesday. Not only did I get great fares by flying midweek, I also came home to a beautiful, sunny 70 degree day. This is why we have Fridays off, suckas!

  4. oh no!

    stranded in the bahamas! poor thing!

  5. drunk in ny all week  

    fuck that, i've been drunk in new york all week

  6. barnard?  

    where's your sga spring break coverage?

  7. Anonymous

    you complain about old folks in Florida while you're here for spring break. I have to live here.

  8. DHI

    Is the word "of" on the "things that are over" list, or is VP Communications just how they say it in the "real world"?

  9. who cares...  

    about any of this. it's not that horrible to be trapped in a tropical paradise.

    also, who cares about ccsc? why do any of them have to be roped into this entire situation? i'm sure many other people are stranded in other locations yet you don't mention them. i detect some personal bias towards personal friends here, bwog. tisk.

    • well

      you're more likely stuck in an airport in paradise waiting for the next available flight or at some intermediate stop in the midwest than tropical paradise itself, so it probably sucks a lot more that way.

      And besides, it's alot more fun to be hyperbolic about CCSC members stranded during spring break.

    • i think

      bwog likes name-dropping, and they are closest to ccsc names, while simultaneously believing (falsely) that ccsc names are the best to drop. i prefer the B+W and its constant obsession with the mythical continental/analytical philosophy schism.

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