Mar

25

Staking out God’s House

Written by

jhgAfter finding out about Elton John’s shindig at the little old cathedral down the way, Bwog donned our best wannabe-paparazzi gear (i.e., a dinky digital camera) and headed over at eight o’clock for a glance at the spectacle. A quick peek turned into nearly an hour of celebrity-sighting bliss as we joined the groundlings swarming to ogle icons of culture meandering up the church steps, accompanied by starshowers of camera flashes. We saw lots of skin, lots of 7-inch heels (what a trend!), and lots of pissed-off security guards. Celebs included Richard Gere and Calista, Liv Tyler, Kid Rock, Robin Williams, the Scissor Sisters, the Osbourne parents, Elizabeth Hurley, Yoko Ono, and… Fran Drescher’s boob.

We couldn’t really see much of the action, but the celebs aren’t the point–it’s the spectacle that follows them. Morningside Heighters don’t get much excitement in their lives, and Elton injected it with a healthy dose of starpower last night. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!” gasped one man to his female companion, grabbing her by the waist. The groundlings cried out, “You’re beautiful!” and cheered for the cooks and servers when they hurried through the door. Across the street, Bwog helpfully informed passersby of what the hell was going on at their church, and mentally noted their responses.

jhg“I like, thought he was long dead!”

“I feel like a tool.”

“Oh, isn’t that wonderful.”

“Elton? Not a fan.”

“Wait, I thought it was a tribute to Princess Di?”

Just down the street, Bwog ran into a party of a different nature–people giving out food to the homeless out of the back of a van. A guy offered to drive it right up in front of the church with the black Escalades and stretch limos. Bwog declined and kept walking, our toes numb and hair bedraggled. A papparazzo’s life is not for us.

– KER and LBD

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16 Comments

  1. Hilarious  

    My friends and I stood there for about twenty minutes making fun of the people waiting for a glimpse of the celebrities until we realized that by standing there we were being just as ridiculous.

  2. Anna  

    Until yesterday, I considered myself a member of St. John the Divine. I loved the liberal attitude they took toward other religions, and I agreed with them that the church should recognize gay marriages.

    But this? This is too much. They rented out the sanctuary to allow an outspoken atheist multimillionaire to get drunk and gorge himself with his friends. IN THE MIDDLE OF LENT. One suspects that Elton John wanted to do this to trample on the holiness of the place - and that SJD let him because they were desperate for money or publicity or both.

    Matthew 21:12 people. I'm so disappointed in my church.

  3. chris  

    um yeah, more like the church could use a couple million dollars, which is what they got. sorry but that money will probably go to great use. what else are they gonna do with it on a saturday night?

    additional celebs spotted: anne hathaway, john legend and eve.

    • Sprinkles  

      It's still selling out. I expect any church to have morals, i.e. they will put their foot down and say no to a celebrity who just wants to have a birthday wankfest in what's supposed to be a house of God.

  4. Bababooey

    It's just really sad when, of all things, a church "goes Hollywood."

  5. wirc  

    Yeah, the cathedral needs money, but the multi-million dollar land deals they are pulling are meant to take care of that. Even a more respectful guest or more appropriate function would be a better way to raise money. They have to have some standards.

  6. numanu  

    lord of the rings oh my

  7. yes but  

    refer back to the Middle Ages when the Cathedral was a town square of sorts, and sometimes even served as a center of commerce and trade. Major houses of God "selling out" is almost as old as the major house of God itself...

    • Bababooey

      That's an absurd comparison.

      Referring back to the "Middle Ages," all that really existed were small towns and villages (compared to, say, large cities, such as NYC in 2007!).

      Commerce and trade occurred when/where larger numbers of people congregated (ever hear of economy of scale?).

      Therefore, the coincidence of churches (where large numbers of people gather to worship whatever it is they worship) and commerce and trade (where larger numbers of people...) is a coincidence of necessity, i.e., larger masses of people at one place.

      There is not, as you attempt to assert, a cause and effect relationship, and both events are mutually exclusive.

      Nice try though. Try again.

      (and I'm not even religious!)

      • Exactly  

        Also, it doesn't make sense to compare this party to a town square. The main feature of the party was its exclusivity. I doubt anyone would have a problem with the cathedral functioning as a gathering and meeting place for the community. In any case, "they did it in the Middle Ages" is a terrible excuse for anything. Even if they did use cathedrals for commercial purposes in the Middle Ages, as poster #2 points out, Jesus himself pretty clearly voiced his opinion on the subject.

        • Bababooey

          Yes! During the Middle Ages, the things that were going on were "everyday life" things, e.g., people buying food and other everyday things.

          Of all things, the town square was not being used as a red-carpet, roped-off event for celebrities!

          Up to this day, churches are still used as areas of congregation for the local community... soup kitchens, Bingo night for seniors, activity centers for neighborhood kids, etc.

          These days, anything is acceptable or can be explained away as "okay" if it somehow involves celebrities.

  8. Billy Joel  

    can suck Elton John's dick

  9. David Aims

    I think that those people feeding the homeless were by far the best draw... To bad bwog decline on the awesome photo-op.

    TB

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