Bwog likes reprinting emails from admin. Especially wholly noxious ones.  We are watching you.

Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 18:03:53 -0500

   From: Michael Mallick <mgm3@columbia.edu>

 Subject: failures to deliver senior essays to sponsors

     To: seniorenglishessaywriters@columbia.edu

It seem quite a number of you — this year’s senior essayists — did not follow the instructions clearly set out with regard to the distribution of your final essay.  One copy of the essay is to go to your sponsor (you either deliver it to your sponsor in person or leave it in your sponsor’s mailbox); you also deposit 4 copies of your essay in the English Department (these copies go to the 4 members of the undergraduate committee — CUE).  In the past couple of days, as many as half of the essay sponsors arrived in 602 telling us they never received a copy of their sponsee’s essay.  

Were you under the mistaken impression that one of those 4 copies would be delivered to your sponsor? If so, this result reflects poorly on your ability to read closely and comprehend rather simply directives (no insult intended here, naturally); the senior essay web page clearly asks that you give your sponsor one copy of the essay to your sponsor and four to the CUE.

If you did not give your sponsor a copy of your essay, you should do so immediately: if I were one of you who were in this way remiss, I’d email my sponsor posthaste, ask how best to get a copy in his or her hands (personal delivery, email attachment, messenger service, whatever). Your sponsor is supposed to have read and graded your essay by Monday morning, at which time your grade and a recommendation re honors (that you either receive honors or not — though the CUE makes the final decision).  Without sufficient time to read your essay — especially if your sponsor plans to be out of town this weekend — it is possible that your failure to follow directions will result in your failure to receive honors, perhaps a failure to receive a writing prize, perhaps even a failure in the course.  I urge you to act immediately.  I further urge you not to email me — I am merely relaying a message on behalf of a number of perplexed faculty.  

I do not have the time to respond to individual protestations, rationalizations, fantastic explanations, and the like.  If you feel you must vent some misguided feeling of having been somehow led astray, then please direct your arguments to Prof. Rosenthal.  I am too busy at the moment preparing materials for the fall semester to deal with this mess, which is not, in any case, my responsibility.  I am acting solely now as a messenger, not a judge, nor am I an arbitrator.  If you’ve taken offense at my straightforward tone, apologies — I’m as befuddled as your sponsors at your failure to comply with uncomplicated directives; unlike your sponsors, I have no interest in any explanations — it is to your sponsors and, if you wish, Prof. Rosenthal that you should speak.  But I’d save the breath and act fast instead.

MM