Sep

23

The Case of the Missing Spicy Chicken

Written by

JJ’s-devotees were certainly in a shock this fall. Sure from a cursory glance, JJ’s looks great! So many frozen meals! So much ice cream!

However, once you stepped up to that familiar counter, a perennial favorite was missing- the spicy chicken! The spicy strips of chicken breast were deep-fried to a tender and moist perfection. Great with any dipping sauce, or even on its own. Few items on the JJ’s menu could compete with such a culinary delight.

When asked, the JJ’s employees could not provide any details on the disappearance of such a widely-demanded item. One employee admitted, “Yeah a lot of people have been asking for it,” but denied any involvement with the sudden departure, “[The decision] comes from the higher-ups.”

Alas! Do not lose all hope, one inside source suggested that a petition may revive this Columbia cornerstone. We can only hope.

-LT

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42 Comments

  1. Grammar Police  

    "its own"

  2. Spicy Chicken  

    I have escaped to a different place. I'd say a better place. A place where I can enjoy not being drowned in honey mustard and masticated. And where I can check Bwog.

  3. Student  

    Do not think you have escaped, Spicy Chicken! I will find you. No matter how far, no matter how long it takes, I will find you!

  4. Spicy Chicken  

    Unless you are Daniel Day Lewis, Student, I'm not afraid. Sounds like an empty threat.

  5. Student  

    It's not a threat, it's a promise.

    And it seems you've slipped up, Spicy! I now know your email address.

  6. Spicy Chicken  

    Drat!

    But it does you no good, either of you. Go ahead and email me. You still won't find me.

  7. Student  

    Is that so? Let me ask you this. When you decided to run away and hide, did you ever think to take Seasoned Chicken with you? No you didn't. You're heartless, Spicy, leaving your brother like that. Maybe I don't want you after all.

  8. GRILLED CHEESE  

    JJ's Has GRILLED CHEESE now though! I just had one and it's unbelievable! They're available today and Wednesdays until midnight! Go NOW!

  9. Spicy Chicken  

    You still want me! Everybody wants Spicy! Spicy is better than Seasoned!

  10. Student  

    I've just discovered that jj's has grilled cheese. Maybe I don't want chicken at all now!

  11. Spicy Chicken  

    How dare you!!!

  12. ummm  

    this happened last year, too. and then enough people complained that they brought it back.

  13. Student  

    I might go get some grilled cheese RIGHT NOW! I'll be there in five.

  14. Spicy Chicken  

    Not if I get there first. I'll be there in four!

  15. Student  

    Aha! I now know your email address AND that you are four minutes from JJ's. I'm zeroing in Spicy.

  16. Spicy Chicken  

    Oh. I see what you did there.

  17. Spicy Chicken  

    Well so what. There are still lots of places I could be on campus.

  18. Student  

    So you are on campus?

  19. Spicy Chicken  

    Damn your good!

  20. Spicy Chicken  

    I mean no... I'm not on campus.

  21. Student  

    You lie. You always use ellipses when you lie. It's your tell. It's why you never play poker with me.

  22. Spicy Chicken  

    You took me for 1200 dollars! Of course I won't play poker with you.

  23. Student  

    And you still haven't paid. With interest, I'd say you owe around 2000 now.

  24. Spicky Chicken  

    Is that what this is about. The money? I thought you really liked me. But if it's about the money... I can pay.

  25. Student  

    SPICY! Don't play games with me!

  26. Spicy Chicken  

    Just give me until the end of the week. I promise, I'll get you the money!

  27. Student  

    No, it's to late for that now. You're going to pay me my way.

  28. Spicy Chicken  

    With Flex?

  29. wow.  

    Spicy Chicken/Student needs a life.
    Track them--it's all the same person.

  30. Student  

    Don't try to get cute, Spicy! You're going to pay me in deliciousness!

  31. Spicy Chicken  

    Wait a minute.

  32. Student  

    Did wow say we're the same person?

  33. Spicy Chicken  

    Getting—dizzy, Growing—weaker,

  34. Student  

    On the contrary. I've never felt so alive. I may even venture away from my computer—and not just to go down to JJs, but to go OUTSIDE!

    YES! YES I WILL!

    As god is my witness, I'll never stay on Bwog this long again!

  35. Narrator  

    Yet even in his weakened state, Spicy was not vanquished. He would return.

    But without Student there to stop him, what then?

    For that, we will have to wait.

  36. Gross

    this conversation is just slightly messed up.

    but we're missing an important thing here

    Why is student government in such a hurry to breathlessly publish irrelevant statements on Mahmoud, but not investigating this domestic travesty?? dereliction of duty!! Impeach Diamond and her worthless cabal!

  37. GRILLED CHEESE  

    Well, I don't know what all that was about, but JJ's still has GRILLED CHEESE!

  38. Student Gvmts  

    have some members who have a major problem with it. We'll eventually find the Spicy Chicken, fear not!

  39. Grammar Police^2  

    That sentence is a fragment so the whole thing is grammatically incorrect. Moreover, neither "its own" nor "it's own" agree with the antecedent in number. You were looking for "their own".

    University Writing much?

  40. stfu  

    damn all you grammer po-lice policing the interwebz and shit

  41. C""K  

    LT you can't refer to yourself as an "inside source"

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