What happens when you mix dirrrrty, sexxxy hip-hop with Apple computers? One crazy dance party. Bwog staffer Hannah Goldfield elaborates (photos by Hannah Goldfield and Merrell Hambleton).

I first heard Spank Rock while nodding off in the backseat of a friend’s car. Someone had added a few bonus tracks to the end of an otherwise mellow indie mix and we all snapped to attention when suddenly it sounded like an NES had been plugged into the cigarette lighter.

The song was “Rick Rubin,” named after the co-founder of Def Jam–who is credited with inventing “rapcore,” the fusion of hip hop, heavy metal and alt-rock–and sure to bring you straight back to the days of Super Mario Bros. After listening to another–“Bump,” whose brilliant refrain goes, “Behind my Game Boy I got game, girl”–I was hooked. Their full debut album, YoYoYoYoYo, which I got my hands on a few weeks later, did not disappoint.

So I was psyched to hear that Spank Rock would be performing (for free!) at the Apple Store this past Saturday morning, as the last installment of “Midnight Mix,” a summer series of DJ shows presented below the glass cube on Fifth Avenue.

The revelry began with spinning by Spank Rock’s DJ and producer Armani XXXChange, who got the reasonably-sized but tightly-packed hipster crowd nice and riled up. The sweat had just started to stink when Spankrock himself, clad in his signature thick-rimmed square glasses and a Baltimore t-shirt (repping his hometown), jumped onto a table covered with iPods and laptops, which he purportedly kicked and definitely encouraged the crowd to help themselves to, shouting “Steal everything! We’re sponsored for this shit!” I didn’t see anyone taking his advice but I did see someone fighting the man in his own way by tagging the floor in gold (see picture). [Editor’s note: According to a source at the Apple Store, three iPod Nanos and one iPod Touch were stolen.]

By the time he was joined by Pase Rock and Amanda Blank, all spitting furiously (mostly about pussy, although one fan-favorite features the rhyme, “Shake it ’til my dick turns racist”) thrilling madness had ensued. There was moshing, there was throwing of ice water and iTunes gift cards into the crowd, there was shock on the faces of the poor tourist families who’d
made the mistake of taking the 24-hour elevator down to check out the iPhone in person. And then there was crowd-surfing, which somehow swallowed up Spankrock and ended the festivities–rumor has it he got kicked out of his own show. [Editor’s note: After Spankrock appeared to break some Apple products, he invited some girls to dance on the tables/stage, much to the chagrin of the Apple Geniuses. Spankrock was reportedly seen later passed the fuck out near the fountains outside of the Apple cube like a first-year after a Pike party.]

As the MC repeats sardonically throughout “Bump”: typical.