Free-food Related Events Hopping: Weird Juxtaposition Edtion
Written by Bwog Staff
With Fair Alma’s ritual disembowelment of the hapless Penn Quakers a mere five days away, the Columbia College senior class decided to celebrate homecoming week with a little pugilism of its own. With Decolonization day going at full thrust less than 20 yards in front of them, the CC seniors lined up for some BBQ–with a little whipped cream and raw hatred on the side.
To passerby, it probably didn’t seem like a spectacular orgy of violence was in store: CC ’08 representatives handed out a facebook of pie victims, complete with short bios (our favorite: “Calvin Sun, Vice President of the Senior Class etc…is incredibly terrified of messing up his hair today.”) while 08ers politely queued for chicken wings and baked beans. But no amount of meticulous organization could quell the participants’ bloodlust: Head Dem Josh Lipsky speculated that GOP counterpart Chris Kulawik was afraid of getting hurt. “I’m here and he’s not,” said Lipsky. “You do the math.” (he wasn’t the only one calling out the CUGOP’s high-profile leader: one speaker on Low urged people to organize against David Horowitz before decrying the “hypocrisy of Chris Kulawik”).
Meanwhile, Spec boss John Davisson was disapointed at the Blue and White’s no-shows–“I don’t see Taylor Walsh here” he said after suggesting that Bwoggers were “cowards” for skipping out on the event.
Up on Low Plaza, a speaker compared Columbia’s expansion plans to Columbus’s conquest of the New World. “You are just as guilty as Christopher Columbus” he exclaimed, although by then the seniors were more concerned with creaming each other than discussing the finer points of Fair Alma’s expansion policy. While Low crackled with moral guilt, College Walk had turned into a cream-charred battleground–soon a belligerent small child had joined the hysterical, close-quarter melee; one senior laughed as he slipped on a piece of tarp, and a pie-covered CCSC prez Michelle Diamond remembered during one break in the action that she had class at 2.
It wasn’t long before the the worlds of pie-thrower and decolonizer collided: said one speaker, “Take your pie, sit your asses down and listen to what we have to say.” The attempted killjoy had no perceivable effect on the pie-throwers, although at least one CCSCer looked conflicted. But for the most part, the combatants were absorbed with the essential task of digging chunks of whipped cream out of their hair.