Free-food Related Events Hopping: Weird Juxtaposition Edtion

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With Fair Alma’s ritual disembowelment of the hapless Penn Quakers a mere five days away, the Columbia College senior class decided to celebrate homecoming week with a little pugilism of its own. With Decolonization day going at full thrust less than 20 yards in front of them, the CC seniors lined up for some BBQ–with a little whipped cream and raw hatred on the side.

To passerby, it probably didn’t seem like a spectacular orgy of violence was in store: CC ’08 representatives handed out a facebook of pie victims, complete with short bios (our favorite: “Calvin Sun, Vice President of the Senior Class etc…is incredibly terrified of messing up his hair today.”) while 08ers politely queued for chicken wings and baked beans. But no amount of meticulous organization could quell the participants’ bloodlust: Head Dem Josh Lipsky speculated that GOP counterpart Chris Kulawik was afraid of getting hurt. “I’m here and he’s not,” said Lipsky. “You do the math.” (he wasn’t the only one calling out the CUGOP’s high-profile leader: one speaker on Low urged people to organize against David Horowitz before decrying the “hypocrisy of Chris Kulawik”).

Meanwhile, Spec boss John Davisson was disapointed at the Blue and White’s no-shows–“I don’t see Taylor Walsh here” he said after suggesting that Bwoggers were “cowards” for skipping out on the event.

Up on Low Plaza, a speaker compared Columbia’s expansion plans to Columbus’s conquest of the New World. “You are just as guilty as Christopher Columbus” he exclaimed, although by then the seniors were more concerned with creaming each other than discussing the finer points of Fair Alma’s expansion policy. While Low crackled with moral guilt, College Walk had turned into a cream-charred battleground–soon a belligerent small child had joined the hysterical, close-quarter melee; one senior laughed as he slipped on a piece of tarp, and a pie-covered CCSC prez Michelle Diamond remembered during one break in the action that she had class at 2.

It wasn’t long before the the worlds of pie-thrower and decolonizer collided: said one speaker, “Take your pie, sit your asses down and listen to what we have to say.” The attempted killjoy had no perceivable effect on the pie-throwers, although at least one CCSCer looked conflicted. But for the most part, the combatants were absorbed with the essential task of digging chunks of whipped cream out of their hair.



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  1. hey  

    Ummm Chris Kulawik was not too far away at the Republicans' Barbeque. Maybe he just didn't come because it was a conflict of interest?

  2. Roar, Lion, Roar  

    Ways To Know You Go To Columbia

    #243: A Decolonization speak-out overshadows a Homecoming event.

    Wake the echoes of the Hudson valley, indeed.

  3. Christopher Columbus  

    Let's get this straight: I discover the Americas, you name your school after me, then the university ignores the holiday commemorating my discovery while a bizarre coalition of student groups advocates kicking all the white people (and, I suppose, Latinos) out?

    I, for one, welcome our old Indian overlords.

  4. Where  

    was Kulawik? Oh, wait, there he was:


    I'm sure Josh skipped the Dems event to go... oh, wait, they didn't have one.

  5. whos  

    josh lipsky? why do the college republicans have a bigger face on campus than the dems (in the broader sense)?

  6. Spelling!  

    Belligerent, not beligerant.

  7. oh jesus  

    talk about an ego trip. i fucking hate all these "leaders" and can't wait to graduate.

  8. Suggestion  

    They should have gotten naked and had the pie fight. Well, one of them anyway.

  9. suggestion  

    idea for student happiness:

    less protests, more pie-related activities!

  10. ...  

    This whole thing seems really self-serving. Great event, seniors! You're really important and popular!

  11. Sadia  

    I say this completely objectively - it's time you guys get a legit photographer, Bwog.

  12. wow  

    that John Davisson is one sexy beast.

  13. I'm not

    a fan of Kulawik, but I must say that it's quite sickening to see the degree to which people can't stop taking cheap shots at him, merely because they disagree with his political views.

    • well

      I don't take shots at him because I disagree with his political views. I take shots at him for his self-serving attention grabbing methods. Kulawik is interested in stirring up controversy, and he's damned good at it. None of the speakers he's invited has contributed anything beyond Fox News appearances. I despise his ilk.

  14. "legit"  

    ..is just such an ugly abbreviation. is "legitimate" too hard a word to type out?

    • words  

      Well, I hear that many psychotropic drugs make you sleepy. And being sleepy makes typing out full words all difficult and stuff.

      • Sadia  

        Legit isn't just an abbreviation, FYI. But...
        You're right, though. I'm really impressed by your awareness (during Mental Illness Awareness Week, no less!)

        We're hosting an event on Thursday - it's a movie screening. Since you're already aware of so many of the issues, it would be really great if you came to participate in the discussion.

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