Jan

26

Joe Schmoe

Written by

Valiant Bwog reporter Dan D’Addario tries coffee-flavored Pinkberry… so you don’t have to.


The week before classes started was idyllic. I had moved back into my dorm early and my days went from movies to dinner to bar to bed. And yet, one thing happened that left a bad taste in my mouth, a literal bad taste.

 

An employee standing on the sidewalk was offering free samples of coffee-flavored Pinkberry, the latest flavor to “swirl” from the minds of those twisted L.A. geniuses. I’d actually enjoyed the original and green-tea flavors, so I tried it, and was swept into tastebud hell.

 

Imagine the worst aspects of coffee – old coffee, that’s been sitting on the pot for hours and been reduced to charred, bitter, coffee ashes, that clench your intestinal tract with a single sip. Now make it a sour yogurt. Mmm.

 

The chocolate chips were the only redeeming factor on my small yet unfinishable sample – I attempted to use them to cleanse my palate, a feat that took hours, and a toothbrush. Fortunately I was spared the sample with mushy, Gerber-esque bananas, and other samples were topped with strawberries and raspberries, as though the complement of berries would help the vomit-inducing yogurt be palatable.

 

Now, when I walk by Pinkberry, I want to warn the people inside, to tell them that they’re making a huge mistake. I only ate a few bites, and I will never look at coffee, yogurt, or the color pink the same way – what will an entire Large serving, eaten in the pursuit of novelty, do to their souls? Then, I consider the scariest notion of all – maybe they’ll like it.

 

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14 Comments

  1. CML  

    Pinkberry is a trendy travesty of a taste abortion. Viva la gelato at Artopolis.

  2. MCB  

    Do yourself a favor and get yourself down to Grom.

  3. Jaax  

    Artopolis is better. But only in the Village are the best ice cream places found..

  4. expert says  

    oh my lord the coffee yogurt is sooo badddddddd

  5. CML  

    We should allege false advertising for not labelling the "original" flavor as "smegma."

  6. LMC

    So it's not the same as typical coffee ice cream / frozen yogurt?

    Those from the northeast know what I mean.

  7. tasty  

    Anyone who think Artopolis's gelato is superior to Grom's has clearly never been to Italy, the mecca of frozen deliciousness, and tasted real gelato. I've never been to il laboratorio...though I think I'll try it once spring comes.

  8. mmm  

    if you like regular coffee yogurt, then you'll probably like the coffee pinkberry. I know it is kind of an acquired taste, but some people like it (including myself)

  9. dan d'asomethingo

    has anyone else had a crush on this kid since his bwog personal? just me?

  10. MUAH  

    you can ask for a free sample at pinberry of any of their flavors...poor bwog actually paid for the crap =(

  11. Yeah  

    Grom is fucking awesome, and IMO, coffee-flavored anything blows. Then again, I'm not a coffee drinker.

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