Valiant Bwog reporter Dan D’Addario tries coffee-flavored Pinkberry… so you don’t have to.

The week before classes started was idyllic. I had moved back into my dorm early and my days went from movies to dinner to bar to bed. And yet, one thing happened that left a bad taste in my mouth, a literal bad taste.

 

An employee standing on the sidewalk was offering free samples of coffee-flavored Pinkberry, the latest flavor to “swirl” from the minds of those twisted L.A. geniuses. I’d actually enjoyed the original and green-tea flavors, so I tried it, and was swept into tastebud hell.

 

Imagine the worst aspects of coffee – old coffee, that’s been sitting on the pot for hours and been reduced to charred, bitter, coffee ashes, that clench your intestinal tract with a single sip. Now make it a sour yogurt. Mmm.

 

The chocolate chips were the only redeeming factor on my small yet unfinishable sample – I attempted to use them to cleanse my palate, a feat that took hours, and a toothbrush. Fortunately I was spared the sample with mushy, Gerber-esque bananas, and other samples were topped with strawberries and raspberries, as though the complement of berries would help the vomit-inducing yogurt be palatable.

 

Now, when I walk by Pinkberry, I want to warn the people inside, to tell them that they’re making a huge mistake. I only ate a few bites, and I will never look at coffee, yogurt, or the color pink the same way – what will an entire Large serving, eaten in the pursuit of novelty, do to their souls? Then, I consider the scariest notion of all – maybe they’ll like it.