Jan

29

A Spar is Born

Written by

The smell of fried catered goods wafted along the 4th floor of Barnard Hall. The nauseating, yet somehow homey smell emanated from the James Room, in which there was a very large, very joyful celebration in honor of Barnard’s new president, Debora Spar. 

There was a thoroughly unsurprising percentage of septuagenarians in the crowd. They munched on shrimp and gossiped about Judith Shapiro as their husbands stared blankly ahead. One Shapiro-centric gossipy tidbit: “She just came in here with all these expectations!” Ooh, juicy!

Also in attendance were over a hundred Barnard students. “They made [the process of selecting the president] very mysterious,” observed Elizabeth, BC ’08.



A perilous hired photographer also roamed the crowd, confusing the more senior members of the banquet with his camera flash. “Is that a shot list there?” he asked, jealously eying Bwog’s nearly blank reporters’ notebook.

With the help of Elizabeth (“She has bangs. And a red jacket.”), Bwog located Anna Quindlen, the mastermind behind the reception and member of the Presidential Search Committee. Quindlen said that the decision to hire D.Spar was made back in the middle of December, but even the BC faculty weren’t notified until this morning.

And what of Judith Shapiro? Shapiro and Spar “haven’t met yet,” explained Quindlen. “But they’re having martinis on Thursday.”

SGA Presidet Laura Stoffel, BC ’08, was one of the two students who served on the Presidential Search Committee. Stoffel gushed of Spar, “She’s amazing. Wonderful.”

The crowd came to a hush as Quindlen took the podium. Quindlen introduced Spar “for the fifth time today,” according to her own calculations, and provided  some background biographical information: “She graduated form Georgetown in 1984, but don’t let that fool you. She’s one of us.” Also, D.Spar’s husband is an architect specializing in designing campuses for universities. Serendipitous!

Then at once, whispers began fluttering through the crowd. And suddenly, as if he had appeared from a heated serving dish, Bollinger had materialized behind Quindlen. “Bollinger!” exclaimed Stoffel.

The speeches ended and Bollinger, Quindlen, D.Spar and D.Spar’s be-hatted preteen daughter retreated behind some foliage. Photographers (and one frazzled-looking videographer) lunged towards the group. Bwog snapped one last picture, made note of Bollinger’s particularly dapper canary yellow tie, and left.

– JNW

Tags:

12 Comments

  1. when will

    columbia get a president who cares more about students and less about throwing a $500,000 Jeffrey Sachs Globalization, Neuroscience, Arts, Poverty, and World Leaders summit every other week?

  2. Anonymous  

    is d.spar jewish? just curious

  3. I wonder  

    if CU will hire her husband (has hired her husband?) to oversee M'ville's future.

  4. Does Prezbo  

    have a body double? haha, something just looks strange about him in that picture.

  5. what's the name  

    of a nameless person?

    Ann Onomiss!

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.