This Side of Paradise: A Bwog Nightlife Report

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The first in a sporadic series of nightlife reports from our seasoned partygoer and would-be Carraway. 

“I wasn’t even going to go out tonight. I need to get a snack.” So said co-best-dressed female Lauren Fabiano, on Saturday night’s “Gatsby” sophomore class semi-formal. Emphasis on semi; tonight’s guests seemed more James Gatz than Jay Gatsby, both in garb and in girls-over-here-boys-over-there- now-we-can-dance-a-foot-apart middle-school social networking.

foodFabiano’s statement was further fulfilled, though, by the truly sumptuous spread of snacks. The planning committee did due diligence to our palates. The most luxurious crudite platter I had ever seen was buttressed by rich cheeses, tasty grilled chicken, and two chocolate fountains that somehow struck this correspondent as something other than a sugary trough, something a bit more West Egg. There was even a selection of juices and Italian sodas�an homage to the two hundred citrus fruits Gatsby’s butler must eviscerate?

The musical selections were very au courant�surely Fitzgerald did
dance not conceive of the unique spectacle that is “Souljah Boy.” But then, in the echoing space that is Low Library, even the best song of the decade got lost to the rafters.

There were some bright spots. The chocolate fountain, juice selection, and flower arrangements were Trimalchian in their elegance. Some of the female guests went all-out Daisy Buchanan flapper glamour, which was really fun.

Best-dressed ladies:









Best-dressed chap: The young man who exuded such an aura of sexual tension and pent-up anger that your correspondent was unable�or afraid�to snap a photo of him. He wore a grey v-neck t-shirt and a gold chain. Who needs Gatsby in a world of Stanley Kowalskis?

fountThere were a few more transcendent moments to this dance: The young man named Innokenty, who insisted that my friends and I were freshmen, and that we did not belong at this dance, but he’d let us stay. For a moment, I wanted to join an eating club – the feeling passed, thank heaven, but at least “Gatsby,” for me, had a moment of Jazz Age splendor. As we walked back around the rim of Low Library, I could see that the dancefloor had filled with my classmates. “Thriller” was playing, and the crowd seemed into it.

In Gatsby�the novel this time �Fitzgerald wrote: “It�s a great advantage not to drink among hard-drinking people. You can hold your tongue, and, moreover, you can time any little irregularity of your own so that everybody else is so blind that they don�t see or care.” While I had had fun, and held my tongue, perhaps the real fun was to be had among the revelers doing the Souljah Boy. Am I too jaded, too Nick Carraway in my complaining about the lighting and sound system and crowd, when what I really need to be is that guy in the library marvelling that the books are all real? (This is all ludicrously college-sex-column writing, I know, but I was always more Carrie Bradshaw than Carry Nation. I had to wonder…) I don’t know, and maybe I’ll figure it out as I report on more parties. But I do know that if everyone’s blind to my irregularities, I’ll be standing by the chocolate fountain.


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  1. anon

    lame. is this a columbia blog or a personal blog with personal pictures? zzzzzz

  2. only bwog  

    would be douche enough to put up pictures of people they don't know, taken without their knowledge.

  3. EAL  

    What a joke. Who plays hip-hop at a Gatsby-themed party? F. Scott Fitzgerald would not approve. Jazz and/or swing should have been the order of the day. It was a book set during the 1920s, after all.

  4. HTF  

    How the fuck did you post this twenty minutes bsfore the event ended?

    • i bet

      he was writing it up on his laptop during the affair.

      you might call him lame, but it is a sophomore formal without any booze. that my friends, is lamer. oh sorry. semi-formal.

      i hope someone spiked the punch.

  5. Ahem  

    What's with the favorite comments? They're not distinctive in any way. Much like this article. I DEMAND STANDARDS.

  6. Grammar Nazi  

    "...to say nothing of the Low Library security guard who let my friends and I remain in a room of Asian artifacts for a photo shoot of our own."

    Spot the error!

  7. drunk  

    my friends and me?

  8. flo rida  

    Apple bottom jeans.

    Boots with the fur.


  9. hey there  

    how do you properly pleasure a woman?

  10. boo  

    boring. poorly written. and bad choices for best dressed.

  11. coverage

    Is there going to be any coverage of CUDM?

  12. idea  

    Idea for a drinking game
    (This can be done with friends or alone)
    1)Go through all the Bwog posts that you can
    2) Every time you see someone who says they hate hipsters, take a shot
    3) Repeat until everyone in your group is passed out

  13. Anonymous  

    this is really poorly written and almost as boring.

  14. yeah  

    sorry fellas, but this is a really terrible post. couldn't even get decent pictures?

    adp was the place to be last night anyway.

  15. why  

    did someone write this?

  16. this was  

    pretty pointless, how about some photos of egg and peacock/CUDM?

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