Political Weekly: Super Tuesday II (The Return!)

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Bwog’s 2008 Election Correspondent Jim Downie is back with a very special Wednesday edition of Political Weekly.

Your faithful blogger writes this at 2:30 AM for two reasons: first, because the final results in Texas are taking forever to come through, preventing a more prompt summary, and second, because he’s dedicated to you, the readers. Other bloggers may be fine with submitting a lame report cribbed from the morning’s lead stories. This would result in sleep, and a more enjoyable viewing of the big Chelsea FC game this afternoon on ESPN2. However, this blogger believes readers need freshness—freshness like the smell of a new floor in the fall before the pot smokers start lighting it up. Here’s a quick summary of what happened last night for the normal people out there, followed by a few other links. As always: “It’s Not For Junkies, It’s For Normal People!”

Getting It Done: Republicans can sleep easy now that John McCain has mathematically clinched the nomination. He won all four states (Ohio, Texas, Rhode Island, and Vermont) by convincing margins over rockin’ reverend Mike Huckabee, receiving the necessary delegates to clinch the nomination. Even Huckabee saw that God can’t overcome mathematical impossibilities, and dropped out last night.

Not Getting It Done: On the other hand, the Democrats are not done. Hillary Clinton had a big night, winning the popular vote in Texas (by 3), Ohio (by 10), and Rhode Island (by 18). Barack Obama won by 22 in Benandjerryland (Vermont). Exact vote counts and results for both parties here.

Today’s Forecast Is Drawn Out
: Unfortunately, when it comes to drawn-out primary math, there’s really nothing funny about it (or, should I say, punny! Ok, that was horrible). Stick with me here, though, and in about three minutes you’ll be able to wow any politically-inclined friends, crushes, or significant other(s?) you might have. The two big states were Texas and Ohio, where Clinton won by small amounts. Democrats allocate their delegates proportionately, so Clinton will have only a small delegate gain from today. That’s bad for her because Obama’s period of Obamamania (11 straight victories in February) put him up by over 100 pledged delegates , and she is unlikely to close that gap significantly with Tuesday’s results – it will probably end up being about 1500 to 1425 or so, in Obama’s favor (just over 2000 are required to win the nomination, a number neither will reach). Clinton has to win much bigger in the remaining states to catch up. The result was also bad for Obama, though, because it has given her the momentum. The race will certainly continue until Pennsylvania on April 22, a state with similar demographics to Ohio. Who is the result good for? Republicans, because they get to watch a fight while preparing for the fall, and bloggers like yours truly, because the race stays interesting. Otherwise, I’m stuck linking to Lolcats, and only your aunt wants that.

Steve Jobs’s Greatest Fear Almost Realized: His Royal Evilness Karl Rove, has a MacBook Air. Good thing it’s the model hipsters can’t afford. 

The Swing Vote In This Election Will Be…Racists: What group made the difference in Ohio? Well, according to exit polls, Clinton and Obama split 50-50 those who claimed not to care about race and gender. Among those who did, Clinton won 57-43. I leave you to draw your own mathematical conclusions, but I should note that the explicitly anti-male vote outnumbered the explicitly anti-female vote. Not sure whether that’s the kind of change we need.

National Geographic Presents: Turns out that Texas is home to the least-populated county in the United States. The best fact, though, is that the Sherriff patrols the town with two shotguns and an AK-47—in other words, more guns than crimes per year. This is why the terrorists will never win.

“I’m Carson Daly, Here At MTV Spring Break: Burlington”: Vermont is considering lowering the drinking age to 18. Most importantly, this will allow Dartmouth students to finally have a landmark closest to them!

Did You Invite Him? Because I Sure Didn’t: A Bauer crashed a Clinton campaign conference call yesterday. Unfortunately for 24 fans, it was not Jack Bauer calling to ask “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?”, but Bob Bauer, Obama’s top lawyer, telling the Clinton campaign to stop attacking caucuses.  One would think that his mother had taught him not to trespass.

Chuck Norris Facts Don’t Get Old: Will the same be true with ObamaFacts? Somehow, this blogger doubts it. Obama shouldn’t be sad though: you have to utter a lot of catchphrases before your tears can cure cancer.

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  1. Mike Huckabee  

    I didn't major in Math, I majored in miracles.

    And God I hope Chelsea loses.

  2. omg  

    McCain is so cute!

  3. soulja girl  

    one might even say, Hillary supermanned dat ho-bama.

  4. Columbians

    have become such crass losers. Depicting Obama as some kind of undeserving ghetto thug is unbelievably irritating. Go back to your shithole of a grotto and stay there, you ignorant piece of rotting shit.

  5. !!!  

    Keep these coming! Love them.

  6. What?  

    Chelsea FC? Are you fucking joking? Fuck that shit.

  7. Stupid...  

    We all know that Republicans don't sleep...They use the blood of welfare babies, Mexicans, and army vets, coupled with the semen of glory-hole gays at airports, to sustain themselves for years.

    • McCain Voter  

      Well, I will say that it is fun to see the Dems continuing to waste money beating themselves up while McCain can continue to save money for the general election campaign.

      Now back to my delicious lunch of Roast Mexicans and Fried Welfare Babies...

  8. bias  

    Does Bwog have a liberal bias? Why did you purposely pick a weird picture of McCain?

  9. Goddamn It  

    Ohio: fucking it up for the rest of us since 1803

  10. this  

    post-racial/gender bullshit as the end-all solution to our social woes pisses the shit out of me. people who "can't see race/gender" need to get their eyes checked.

  11. this  

    must have been the first bwog post you have ever read. pretty much every single post that has been related to politics (and some that have not) is either alluding to how awesome democrats are or to how evil republicans are. they don't even try to appear unbiased anymore.

    • that was  

      in reply to #11.

    • yo repubs  

      you are in the vast minority on this campus (and the majority of other college campuses in this country). of course college media outlets like bwog have "liberal bias." That's not a remarkable thing: the majority opinion in a particular community tends to be the predominant one.

      I would say that Bwog and Spec both actually try to move slightly to the right of where they'd naturally be politically, in order to resist your assertions of bias, but with such a hugely democratic student body, their efforts are meaningless.

      • yo yo repubs  

        you are right on the first half. However, I don't think that the bwog tries 'to move slightly to the right', nor should they. bwog has no requirement to maintain any sense of objectivity. If they want to publish glowing reviews of dems and shit reviews of repubs that is their prerogative.

      • EAL  

        And what, pray tell, is a "vast minority?"

  12. DHI  

    Apparently being up 20 points in a State and the winning by any margin is a comeback.

  13. BarackObamaFact  

    Barack Obama's stump speeches reek of Communist-era Russian propaganda. This is not to say he is a communist or even a socialist in any way; it only speaks to the utter emptiness of every one of his promises. If you think I'm an idiot or being overly hyperbolic, please take the time to read some of the speeches (and specific promises) delivered by members of the party during the 60's, 70's and 80's.

  14. emilyw  

    every picture of john mccain is a weird picture. he's 7,000 years old, and that man has got jowls for days. Even the picture of him on could be qualified as "weird" considering neck skin seems to be flowing over his shirt collar.

  15. cmon

    don't make dumb arguments--a quick gis proves that's just another partisan talking point (and its equally discrimination to bash old people gratuitously)...just from page one and two, i found these more normal pictures of him:

    Bwog put up a picture of him cause they don't particularly like him and get a kick out of some of the unflattering poses he can be captured in--this is true of all people (what was that saying about how a documentarian could make make michael moore look like an anorexic or soomething?) and frankly good for bwog. Bwog isn't trying to be a impartial press outlet. They specifically have created a niche as a kind of dorky but harmless gossipy news blog and they don't owe anybody impartiality, decency, or self censorship. Considerations of those factors will come into play when it comes to what viewers/audience they attract and how seriously they're taken on certain matters but most people who like bwog will love them anyway. Heck, I think drudgereport is two steps from the sun (the english one you yanks), but I still check it twice or thrice a day to get the scoop on interesting articles.

  16. mccain

    is god.
    he roasted huckabee like huckabee used to roast chipmunks in his whirlypop.

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