Political Weekly: Super Tuesday II (The Return!)
Written by Bwog Staff
Bwog’s 2008 Election Correspondent Jim Downie is back with a very special Wednesday edition of Political Weekly.
Your faithful blogger writes this at 2:30 AM for two reasons: first, because the final results in Texas are taking forever to come through, preventing a more prompt summary, and second, because he’s dedicated to you, the readers. Other bloggers may be fine with submitting a lame report cribbed from the morning’s lead stories. This would result in sleep, and a more enjoyable viewing of the big Chelsea FC game this afternoon on ESPN2. However, this blogger believes readers need freshness—freshness like the smell of a new floor in the fall before the pot smokers start lighting it up. Here’s a quick summary of what happened last night for the normal people out there, followed by a few other links. As always: “It’s Not For Junkies, It’s For Normal People!”
Getting It Done: Republicans can sleep easy now that John McCain has mathematically clinched the nomination. He won all four states (Ohio, Texas, Rhode Island, and Vermont) by convincing margins over rockin’ reverend Mike Huckabee, receiving the necessary delegates to clinch the nomination. Even Huckabee saw that God can’t overcome mathematical impossibilities, and dropped out last night.
Not Getting It Done: On the other hand, the Democrats are not done. Hillary Clinton had a big night, winning the popular vote in Texas (by 3), Ohio (by 10), and Rhode Island (by 18). Barack Obama won by 22 in Benandjerryland (Vermont). Exact vote counts and results for both parties here.
Today’s Forecast Is Drawn Out: Unfortunately, when it comes to drawn-out primary math, there’s really nothing funny about it (or, should I say, punny! Ok, that was horrible). Stick with me here, though, and in about three minutes you’ll be able to wow any politically-inclined friends, crushes, or significant other(s?) you might have. The two big states were Texas and Ohio, where Clinton won by small amounts. Democrats allocate their delegates proportionately, so Clinton will have only a small delegate gain from today. That’s bad for her because Obama’s period of Obamamania (11 straight victories in February) put him up by over 100 pledged delegates , and she is unlikely to close that gap significantly with Tuesday’s results – it will probably end up being about 1500 to 1425 or so, in Obama’s favor (just over 2000 are required to win the nomination, a number neither will reach). Clinton has to win much bigger in the remaining states to catch up. The result was also bad for Obama, though, because it has given her the momentum. The race will certainly continue until Pennsylvania on April 22, a state with similar demographics to Ohio. Who is the result good for? Republicans, because they get to watch a fight while preparing for the fall, and bloggers like yours truly, because the race stays interesting. Otherwise, I’m stuck linking to Lolcats, and only your aunt wants that.
Steve Jobs’s Greatest Fear Almost Realized: His Royal Evilness Karl Rove, has a MacBook Air. Good thing it’s the model hipsters can’t afford.
The Swing Vote In This Election Will Be…Racists: What group made the difference in Ohio? Well, according to exit polls, Clinton and Obama split 50-50 those who claimed not to care about race and gender. Among those who did, Clinton won 57-43. I leave you to draw your own mathematical conclusions, but I should note that the explicitly anti-male vote outnumbered the explicitly anti-female vote. Not sure whether that’s the kind of change we need.
National Geographic Presents: Turns out that Texas is home to the least-populated county in the United States. The best fact, though, is that the Sherriff patrols the town with two shotguns and an AK-47—in other words, more guns than crimes per year. This is why the terrorists will never win.
“I’m Carson Daly, Here At MTV Spring Break: Burlington”: Vermont is considering lowering the drinking age to 18. Most importantly, this will allow Dartmouth students to finally have a landmark closest to them!
Did You Invite Him? Because I Sure Didn’t: A Bauer crashed a Clinton campaign conference call yesterday. Unfortunately for 24 fans, it was not Jack Bauer calling to ask “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?”, but Bob Bauer, Obama’s top lawyer, telling the Clinton campaign to stop attacking caucuses. One would think that his mother had taught him not to trespass.
Chuck Norris Facts Don’t Get Old: Will the same be true with ObamaFacts? Somehow, this blogger doubts it. Obama shouldn’t be sad though: you have to utter a lot of catchphrases before your tears can cure cancer.