May

12

News Wrapup: Death in the City

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dWith nearly the entire student body locked up now in finals or the library, you may have forgotten that we live in quite the dangerous city!  While tipster Alex Weinberg was able to stand on Ruggles in GTA IV, Columbia sociology professor turned underworld expert Sudhir Venkatesh noted in Slate that the first person shooter bears close resemblance to actual life on Chicago’s South Side, where he studied social trends in drug dealing, gang-leading and prostitution with Freakonomist Steven Levitt.  He also suggests improvements, including the option of being able to run over his book publishers. 

The city is not just killing urban youth, but also innocent red-tailed eyases!  Cityroom, after first reporting the existence of three hawk babies in our beloved Riverside Park, now tells us that it seems like they have died.  Only one corpse has been found, but a local birder said that cause of death is most likely poisonous food, which would have probably killed all three hawk chicks.  We are still not sure what relationship these 81st Streeters have with Hawkmadinejad, but they are probably related to our Hero.

-JJV

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9 Comments

  1. dead hawks?!  

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    It's rainy and cold. And a Monday. And I have finals. And my shoe has a hole in it (which I discovered because of the rain). And hawks have died.

    Is there no justice in the world?

  2. Sad

    I found out about the dead hawks from Cityroom just moments before the news was posted here.

    Needless to say, I was numb at the report of thousands dead in the earthquake in China, but almost in tears at the news of three baby hawks possibly no longer being with us.

    Does this make me a bad person, or possibly just sociopathic?

  3. venkatesh  

    is an asshole

  4. lebowsky  

    hawkmadinejad makes my days brighter

  5. WTH?  

    Hey, whats up with collegeboxes now charging like 3x last year's price?! This sucks.

    • bwahaha  

      They probably have to squeeze some drops of profit out of their drastically reduced business; didn't you hear about the massive delays and general idiocy of last summer? Store with anyone else, CB was so bad the Barnard student body actually got 'em kicked off of their campus. Would that our administration cared enough to do the same.

      Seriously. My stuff was 22 days late coming in last fall, and I was lucky enough to not have water damage. Steer away.

  6. ...  

    the breathed in too much of lowlying adderall vapor currently surrounding morningside heights and it overcame their tiny hearts.

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