Senior Wisdom: Niko Cunningham
Written by Bwog Staff
Name, School: Niko Cunningham, GS
Claim to fame: Student Body President of GS – you know the rest Post-grad plans: Going back to LA – getting back together with the gang and making movies.
Preferred swim test stroke? “If a student takes beginner swimming for one term and is still not able to pass the swimming test, the requirement is waived.” – from the Columbia website. That was my strategy.
What are three things you learned at Columbia? PODUNK – Pissed Off Deans Unleash No Kompassion FARMING – Financial Aid Reform Must Include Non-traditional Gsers CRAPS – Casbah Rouge and Pizza Slices ..Damn, I miss the Casbah!
Justify your existence in 30 words or less. “Daring ideas are like chessmen moving forward; they may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.” Goethe “The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire.” – John Mitchell
What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia? I’ll plead the fifth.
What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience? In October 2005, little known sophomore Marvin Eiselrod successfully penetrated the heavily guarded fortress known as John Jay Dining Hall without swiping one of his meals. Now given the courage to navigate the loopholes of the Columbia bureaucracy, Marvin proceeds to pilfer pre-made sandwiches from Café 212 without paying. Marvin studies the Columbia bureaucracy and by his senior year has developed the blueprints for the now infamous “suit and tie” scheme, borrowing a friend’s navy blue ensemble two to seven times a week, only to lift cheddar cubes and chicken empanadas reserved for Investment Banking information sessions held at the hallowed halls of Faculty House. He becomes the hero of EC; earns mad respect; and gets the girl. We are all Marvin Eiselrod.
Which prof do you think would be the best kisser? Have you seen some of the Econ professors’ wives? I have no idea how they do it, but perhaps it is worth pursuing that PhD. in sustainable giffen good econometrics.
What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?
SEAS: 1- (1/pi)
CC: The College boasts an 8.7% “admittance” rate.
Barnard: 9 (Ways of Knowing)
GS: Our motto is “The light that shines in the darkness.” ‘Nuff said.
Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese? To be determined after a double-blind taste test.
Days on Campus memory? Hmm…. (after just googling what that meant) – those would definitely be good for transfer students to have.
Regrets? (we can all have regrets madlibs style)…
Not taking that course with __________. Not getting that A+ in ______________. Not approaching that girl in _______________. Not pursuing that phenomenal ___________ which they guaranteed ___________ and _______________ in exchange for me _______________. Eating too much _____________ after ____________ o’clock. Not using the blunt edge of a ____________ to smash ______________and laugh __________-ly. Going to sleep with not enough _________. That one time I showed up in class with _______________ in my ___________. Not taking up ________ on the offer of having that ___________-some at the club.