Senior Wisdom: Laura S.

Written by

Name, School:

Laura S., Barnard College

Claim to fame:

Student Government President

Post-grad plans:

M. Levin, Project Analyst

Preferred swim test stroke?

Swimming isnt part of the Nine Ways of Knowing.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1) He’s not the one…

2) Neither is the other guy…

3) Nor is that guy’s roommate.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

As a Barnard woman I refuse to answer this question formally, as ‘justifying my existence’ is what I’ve been doing informally for four years.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

Funding at Columbia University (also known as [email protected]).

All five  governing boards have been fighting for the process to be open to the general public.

This year all of the four Councils agreed, but ironically no one showed up for the party.

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?

This year’s Varsity Show.

Which prof do you think would be the best kisser?

Professor/President Bollinger.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

“There is a sacred realm of privacy for every man and woman where he makes his choices and decisions-a realm of his own essential rights and liberties into which the law [or Bwog], generally speaking, must not intrude.” – Fisher

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

I’m Swiss, it would be unpatriotic to give up cheese.


Only one: filling out this Senior Wisdom and putting it on Bwog :)

Tags: ,


  1. wow  

    way to help out your barnard sister's reputation...

    please tell me you are being ironic and "cute"

  2. bleeeech  

    icky icky poo.

  3. wow  

    that was so annoying on so many levels.

  4. i hope  

    her three things she learned at columbia were a joke. because otherwise, everything I've ever thought about barnard is completely true.

  5. leopold

    laura rocks!!! so lucky to have met her!!!

  6. ummmmm

    the three things she learned at Columbia--how typical.

    Makes her 'justifying her existence' seem rather appropriate.

  7. Philo of Alexandria  

    Bring on Josh Schwartz!

  8. hmmmmm

    How could she have learned something at Columbia when she wasn't IN Columbia?

  9. Schwartz! Schwartz!  

    Schwartz! Schwartz!


  10. aye  

    schwartz be wise

  11. how about

    Robyn Schneider - she's published 3 books. Although she'll be graduating in the winter.

  12. Mantra Ray  

    Maybe we should have Sophomore Wise Foolishness?

  13. ABC

    For the record, we were the one governing board of the five that didn't give a rip about the openness of the proceedings.

  14. Wow  

    I know this girl and she's cool in person, but she might as well have not even filled this out considering how awful this is.

  15. Anonymous  

    Clearly she's kidding about the boy thing. I don't know where this whole joke about Barnard girls wanting to find husbands came from- I can think of no place where it's more difficult to meet a decent boy.

    ALSO I think it's funny that Columbia boys hold themselves in such high regard- the majority of us don't want to date/marry the majority of you. Except maybe some of the jews.

    • damnnnnnnnnn  

      that's harsh. way to dispel the "shrew" stereotype.

    • hahaha

      hahahahah i love you and couldn't agree more. everytime i read senior wisdom and reflect on three things I'VE learned at columbia, the first thing that pops into my mind is "never date a columbia guy." they have this absolutely charming combination of arrogance (about their intelligence) and insecurity (about their looks).

  16. cc09  

    seriously? you guys realize that she's joking, right? i thought her answers were pretty funny, and aptly succinct.

  17. Well,

    Might as well stick in Flanagan as well, in order to get the full Philo table.

  18. ugh  



  19. 1233333333333333  


  20. as a barnard girl  

    I'm sick of people like this making it harder for me to justify my existence at Columbia. The only thing I hate more than stereotypes about Barnard is the Barnard girls who so clearly live up to them.

  21. Irony is dead  

    Wow, for a hipster school....

    Long live Laura, one of the more impressive people I have met during my time here. I'm just bummed that I'm not the guy... or the other guy... or that guy's roommate.


    First of all, I'm almost positive that Robyn herself was the one posting that.

    Second, I agree that she's the most annoying, self-promoting person I've met in college (or anywhere, for that matter).

  23. So...  

    How many Barnard girls have some of you actually sat down and talked to, and asked about their academic experiences? I'm not Barnard myself, but I've met a few impressive students. One that really surprised me was a non-traditional type who'd done school abroad, transferred to Barnard, took almost all of her classes under Columbia's Faculty of Arts & Sciences (with CC/SEAS/GS) and is graduating now, and entering Princeton's IAS in the Fall as a physics grad student.

    I refuse to make sweeping institutional judgments about "Barnard Girls" or "GS Old Folks" or "SEAS Nerds" in public forums. That having been said, however, this particular individual is a cringeworthy example almost measured to fit the expectation's of Bwog's predominantly CC readership. Why didn't Bwog put up someone impressive, someone truly remarkable?

    Maybe it's selection bias at work: is there a particularly high percentage of attention seekers from CC, GS, & Barnard in Bwog's sample? How were the submissions solicited?

  24. Oh my God  

    why was this Senior Wisdom not written by Josh Schwartz?

  25. eh?


    no one likes the pja, shut up and stop asking for a senior wisdom. If you write one you'll just get torn a new asshole, like david judd did.

    Incidentally, david judd happens to be an asshole.

  26. Wow

    Are the majority of those who comment on Bwog really lacking a sense of humor? This post was witty and fun. It's too bad Laura's senior wisdom was misunderstood by most of you.

  27. oh please...  

    you ARE making judgments about "barnard girls" by thinking about her comments as more than a just a joke. if a cc/seas/gs girl had made the same joke, no one would think she was "cringeworthy"

  28. the problem:  

    Laura's not that funny....

  29. oh no

    i'm sad that the humor was lost in this. i didn't see a lot of laura in her answers, maybe, but i did sense her humor. she's a warm, generous, fun and intelligent person. i love her and the work she's done as sga president! i also love the answer to the swim test question. and the fact that she's swiss.

  30. she's  

    so clearly joking. and i found it funny. other people apparently missed out on the humor because they were so eager to bash barnard/anyone.

    oh well.


  31. Anonymous  

    whether it was good senior wisdom or not...y'all were gonna hate it either way, after reading

    "Mintz Levin, Project Analyst"

    cuz no offense, but when most of the CC/SEAS people who wrote senior wisdoms don't seem to know what they're doing next year, a *barnard* girl working for mintz levin must be pretty intimidating...

    • whatever

      You do know that "Project Analyst" is a glorified title for Paralegal, right? It's the program that Mintz uses to recruit college graduates who don't have actual skills yet, and train them in return for a 2 year commitment.

      • Actually  

        The program you deride is highly selective. The position is actually a step up from being a paralegal- you get the training sans the thankless paper pushing. They hire 1 graduate for each of their offices once a year in Boston, ny, and DC and pay them a tidy sum to sit in a corner office (no I don't mean a cubicle) and gain those skills you mentioned.

        She's also chosen to defer an offer from a law school, so perhaps you can go attempt to belittle somebody else's accomplishments?

  32. because

    she chose to make "barnard" an issue. It's a total bait job, and not particularly funny. Answer number 4, funny, answer number 5, ha ha? Answer number 6 ("I don't have to justify myself!")? Can you say defensive humor?

    Also, your favorite controversy was an internal student government brouhaha that no one other than student government types cared about or even noticed that just proved to show that no one cares about student government? Congratulations!

    Also, your parting shot? Not particularly funny in light of the defensive nonsense that precedes it.

    Nice try.

  33. wow

    first barnard chick i dont actually hate... completely unapologetic... like the style.

  34. Anonymous  

    hahaha see what i mean?! intimidated. its coo

  35. oh shit  

    that's a company?

    i thought she was planning to marry mintz levin, the project analyst

    • Anonymous  

      haha yeah man, wouldn't life be so much better if chicks really WERE at barnard just to get husbands? sucks that they actually work their butts off and are taking all our f'ing jobs! its like dude, im starting to feel insecure about all this s***, so i gotta find lame ways to joke/call them stupid. after all man, the only way we're gonna fix this barnard situation is to undermine those chicks, because we sure as h*** can't compete with 'em! so--nice work on that joke man! "marry mintz levin"--SWEET!

    • Why  

      would you advertise your own pathetic ignorance?

  36. Dropped something!


  37. stof rocks  

    laura might be one of the best people I know....

  38. Haha  

    damn. Who would have thought that this Bwog post would stir up so much cross-Broadway fire.

    And you gotta love #74's self-censorship.

  39. la la love

    laura! she is such a powerhouse, and i learn so much from her, like how to be a decent human being in the face of all this campus' negativity. she's never let her ambitions get in the way of serving others or being kind.

  40. barnard...

    Barnard College, Columbia University- now that's a bold face lie

  41. why?

    why are we so mean at this university? We are all smart-- and really mean.

  42. ...

    amen. cmon people, lets show some decency and stfu.

  43. equatio  

    end of finals + not getting any + too much bwog = mean mean mean

  44. too many  


  45. donor

    How much do you think I would have to donate to get Columbia to cut all ties with Barnard?

    • man  

      don't be cutting out a large population of women at least some of whom are really cool people

      • sheesh  

        That population of women will still exist, but now they can't claim they go to Columbia just because they take classes there. They did apply to Barnard after all...

        • Did  

          it ever occur to you that Barnard students might NOT actually want to claim they go to Columbia? That they might actually be proud to attend Barnard, a school that nurtures and educates, rather than CC, a school best likened to a puppy mill: cold, heartless, churning out individuals unfit for life in the real world? Yes, Barnard begrudgers, your energy spent hurling petty vitriol would be better spent getting what we across the street like to call "a life".

          • occurrence

            I don't doubt that they are happy to attend Barnard. It has many benefits. That doesn't mean that they're not also eager to claim the prestige of a "Columbia" degree.

  46. are you?  

    Is she single?

  47. UGH  

    i will be most sad to see miss laura go. she's one hot tamale.

  48. Wait...  

    Why was my comment deleted, Bwog? Y'know...63, the harmless one in support of the Swiss and gruyere. Seemed pretty tame to me, in comparison with this ridiculous vitriol.

  49. fan

    I love Laura; the more silly BWOG commenters hate the more steadfast my love for her becomes.

    Also, I went to CU and am EMBARRASSED when I read the stupid ish CU students write about Barnard. Especially the CC/SEAS women; get it together, Ladies, you seem so insecure.

  50. jon cioschi

    kinda lame. met her the other night at the heights - pretty boring. tried to talk for more than three minutes and she sucked the life out of me.

  51. jon cioschi

    by "sucked the life out of me" i mean she was incredibly difficult to talk to.

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