Senior Wisdom: Jesse Cooper

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Name, School:
Jesse Cooper, CC 08 

Claim to fame: BWOG Mario Kart Tournament Champion,  

Post-grad plans: Proctoring SATs, Mowing Lawns, going to the West Coast, finding a home, working for Steve and Barry’s 

Preferred swim test stroke? CHICKEN-T-SWIM BABY! The Inverted backstroke.  Yeah, its alright. 

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1) I can drink a whole Hennessey fifth.  Some call it a problem, I just call it a gift. (To plagarize Xzibit).  Oh I guess I learned that too.

2) Anytime there is free anything, line up about 5 hours early.  When student council advertises 100 free anything, keep in mind that 60 of them go to members of the student council and their closest friends

3) The ability to bullshit 5-7 pages about absolutely anything, with footnotes, in 5 hours or less.  Its really a remarkable but invaluable skill.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

Anyone who can proudly admit to still liking Limp Bizkit deserves a nod, right? 

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

When I found out that despite his bitter departure, PresBo continues to root for Michigan football.  O-H-I-O GO BUCKEYES. 

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?

The ability to get a group of friends to do just about anything with you at anytime of the night good or bad.  This is actually going to be a reasonable answer.  Want to play ball, send out a mass text, next thing you know, half of Wein is on South Field.  Want JJ’s at 3AM? Once again, there will be 15 people waiting there.  Its just a remarkable aspect of how small Columbia is, anything from partying to playing put-put at Chelsea piers is always an option with a group of people. 

Which prof do you think would be the best kisser?

Kenneth Jackson.  He’s got that sweet Southern Charm, stays fit riding bikes and unquestionably has done a walking tour of every single one of the most awesome lookout points in the city. 

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

Don’t know but send them to Watson House.  

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

Lactose intolerant, this one is easy.

Days on Campus memory?

I was in a traffic jam on the way home from a high school baseball tournament.  Baseball or kegger maybe that’s what I regret. 


Gotta learn to live with regrets (plagiarizing again, Jay-Z).

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  1. finally, a good one

    jesse's awesome. newark represent!

  2. good shit  

    this was great. jesse's an awesome guy, and that photo is the best senior wisdom shot I've seen. and great calls about learning to write 5-7 pages on anything in a couple hours, and also student council hoarding half the free shit for their friends. very glad to see Jesse up here. Well-deserved

  3. Anonymous

    haha seems like majority of barnard girls had actual post grad plans whereas cc kids are doing shit

  4. Anonymous

    uh no. i believe there were three. and 2/3 had jobs. not to mention majority of cc kids are being ski bumbs, hiking on a fucking mountain, or working at steve and barrys. excellent

  5. lolz

    if it takes 5 hours to write 5-7 pages, you haven't learned enough at columbia. thats like a 3 hour job, if that much

  6. yes...

    what is watson house?

  7. i dig

    when fellas defend themsleves on bwog.

  8. 4MY  

    That picture is amazing, Cooper 4 Prez!

  9. booyakasha

    amazing, four years of school here and trrrsh and takeoutbox both cannot come to terms with the fact that it does not even matter in the end!!!!

    ps -- yes, bwog profiles for sure are the best way to generalize a whole entire class of 500 people (or more, for that matter).

  10. haha

    really great that somebody thinks barnard girls are more successful than cc ones judging by senior wisdom. and that he/she typed "ski bumbs." sweet spelling.

  11. this dude

    is a g. was in my caribbean history class...sorry we didnt learn about more bob marley, man.

  12. Please  

    no more senior wisdoms from people who really have no wisdom to offer. Is there anything remotely interesting or inspiring in that? Good for him if he can drink a fifth of hennessy/ quote xzibit.

  13. right on the mark  

    2) Anytime there is free anything, line up about 5 hours early. When student council advertises 100 free anything, keep in mind that 60 of them go to members of the student council and their closest friends

    So true...I'm even saying this as a student council member!!!

    (I guess I'm getting my Light Blue t-shirt then now, huh...)

  14. Wigwam Pink  

    Jesse is the man, I hear we can convince a certain suite-mate of mine that today's the day! Break open the bottle of Hennessy!!

    And its baseball season. I've got a bottle of Pisco and it might be moving out to...390.

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