Bwog called some of Columbia’s biggest names in the middle of the night to hear their outgoing voicemail messages. Here’s what they–or rather their TAs–recorded. 


“This is Shane, we’ll take messages for Bruce Robbins. You can record after the beep.”

“You’ve reached the office of Ann Douglas at Columbia. Professor Douglas doesn’t take messages um, at this extension. You should try reaching her via email.”

“Hello this is Michael Golston in the Columbia English department. Uh, I’m not at my desk right now but if you leave a message I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you and bye-bye.”

“Hello, you’ve reached the the office of Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak. This is the direct line of Stephanie King, her assistant. Please leave you name and number, including the spelling of your name, and someone will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you very much.”

“You have reached telephone of the director for the Heyman Center for the Humanities. He can’t be at the telephone just now. You could leave a message for him on this machine or if it’s a matter of some urgency, you could speak to his assistant.”

“You’ve reached Taylor Carman in the Philosophy department at Barnard College. You could leave a message after the beep.”