Introducing Mutant Facebook

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Oh boy, the “New Facebook” that you’ve been hearing nothing about is here. What’s different about New Facebook? Well, for one thing, it’s certainly wider! And your wall posts are outlined in gray. But apparently there are other differences, and the madman behind this creation has explained them all in his Facebook blog:

  • The Publisher lets you put content on your own Wall. Like writing on your own Wall, but now it’s called The Publisher. 
  • Size matters: You can adjust the size of things on your profile, “to promote the things you care about most, and demote the stories you don’t find as interesting.” 
  • Your own Wall will stalk you.  “The Wall now surfaces the most recent and relevant information—in the form of posts of stories—about you. We believe that having a constant stream of information, or ‘feed’ is the most effective way to learn about and keep up with friends.”

Facebook loyalists have been rallying to the defense of New Facebook, pointing out that the new photo browsing function is easier to use.  But go see for yourself, and then choose a side, for the question of New Facebook allegiance is surely the defining one of our generation. 

UPDATE: More terror lies ahead after the jump.

We also noticed New Facebook has a Top Friends feature, and you can designate as many Friends as you want as superior to all the others. What this means is that a preference of New Facebook is no longer a respectable option, for anyone, ever.

As Bwog’s New Haven-based Facebook Analyst pointed out: “At least [Top Friends] is optional. But that won’t really matter when everyone opts in.”

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  1. ...

    mark suckerberg is a tool. i look forward to the day that the next big social network kills facebook.

  2. Damn

    I freaking don't get this new Facebook.

  3. Anonymous

    Remember last time Facebook changed and the world ended? Yeah, this one doesn't matter, because there is no more world anyway.

    • Anonymous

      ROB TRUMP:

      Reminds me of velcro wallets
      One of those kids that really likes Bruce Robbins
      Trunk full of dead baby jokes
      Reads steampunk novels
      Ulcer of death madness
      Makes YouTube response videos
      Pussycock. He's a pussycock.

  4. what  

    my facebook still looks the same as it always has.
    i win?

  5. quit it

    Ohhh quit all your babying. The application as a whole is better than ever.

    No matter how many "OMG THIS FACEBOOK SUCKS!!!!111oNE" Facebook groups you make (understand the irony of that) this company is going to be successful for a VERY long time.

    • ...

      just like friendster was!

    • granted

      facebook will be around for a long time in internet years, but think five years ago how ubiquitous aol seemed.

      vanity of vanities, all is vanity.

      • ...

        the moral of the story is: if someone offers you $1.6bn for your internet dating webpage, you fucking take it. and you certainly do not hold out because your delusions of grandeur make you think your internet dating webpage is going to somehow change the world.

      • who  

        who the hell was using aol in 2003? besides, aol's failure was that it became obsolete. you don't need a web portal when you have broadband and firefox. we'll still have a need (or at least a want) for social websites and all facebook is trying to do is stay ahead of the curve and innovate.

        • i misspoke

          i was more referring to aol instant messenger, which was the chat tool five years ago.

          and people were definitely still using aol in 2000 or 2001, although 2003 is a bit late.

          obivously facebook is trying to innovate with social websites, but all one needs is something that seems to get it on a higher level to topple an internet giant.

          think of yahoo, hotmail, netscape, hotbot, aol, napster, kazaa, myspace as site that used to have it all down, but then fell by the wayside.

          my prediction is that google and youtube will be easier to supplant than facebook. honestly, if facebook could integrate a good search engine into their site, they could give google a real fucking run for their money. youtube could also be given a real competition if tv stations got their act together and put archives of their content online. plus the video quality on youtube sucks and could totally get better.

          • ...

            "youtube could also be given a real competition if tv stations got their act together and put archives of their content online."

            it's called hulu.com

            "plus the video quality on youtube sucks and could totally get better."

            they have a highdef mode.

            "honestly, if facebook could integrate a good search engine into their site, they could give google a real fucking run for their money."

            building a social networking webpage is child's play compared to building a proper search engine. (that said, there are some open source projects.)

            i'd bet that facebook probably has no more than 100 production hosts active at any given time. search engines have tens of thousands.

            plus, i don't get why a search engine integrated with social networking would be useful.

            facebook does have an edge with contextualized ad serving, but quite frankly, i think that shit really creeps people out.

          • thanks

            the hulu thing is pretty awesome. hadn't heard of it until now.

  6. uhh

    I still use AIM to chat with friends...what do you people use?

  7. Anonymous  

    Seriously guys, I already quit Facebook because Bwog told me to a year and a half ago. How do any of you even know this?

  8. wow

    New Facebook hasn't hit Europe yet it seems. I'm here and we're still rolling on the old skool shit. That new stuff looks mad confusing!!!

  9. pioneer

    CU Community anyone? I feel like dejavu

    • agreed

      there definitely is a cucommunity feel to the new facebook. however, cucommunity was sort of semi-anonymous. but, yea, it would have been great if cucommunity had beat facebook. such is life.

  10. meh  

    new facebook is whatever. i just like that all those dumbass applications no longer are on the front page

  11. DHI

    Shit is too damn wide.

    Just click the thing to go back to the old one.

    They're probably allowing both right now to see how many go with new and how many go with hold.

  12. Stephan Schwartz

    I can't say I'm looking forward to this change, but from Zuckerberg's standpoint, it will allow him to cram more features into Facebook, which makes sense from a business perspective.

    It appears that those of us who prefer the old facebook will be able to avoid most of the parts that we don't like.

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