Do You Have What it Takes?

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now hiringA sharp-eyed tipster has alerted us to a rather curious job posting on Columbia’s openings database. It seems that the University’s General Counsel has stepped down — right now we’ve only got an interim — and they’ve retained a headhunter to land us someone truly exceptional. Consider some of the sought-after traits, translated into plain English:

  • Must be cerebral as well as pragmatic. (Think, but don’t think too much).
  •  Must be resilient in the face of numerous urgent priorities and interaction with many strong personalities within the University community. (Our administrators are a pain to deal with.)
  • Adeptness at working in a highly nuanced environment with varied constituencies. (Our bureaucracy puts the Labyrinth of Knossos to shame. And the aforementioned bureaucrats are fiercely territorial.)
  •  The natural ability to rapidly prioritize as well as execute while exhibiting a sense of urgency, superb judgment, compassion, wisdom and a sense of humor. (Be everything our administrators aren’t.)
  • Impeccable academic credentials, which include a J.D. from a top tier law school. (We need to have the same in-jokes).
  • A pragmatist who speaks and writes in plain English that can be readily translated into other languages, when needed. (But you shouldn’t be so educated that you use big words).
  • Intellectual zest and curiosity. (Even though you won’t have time to indulge it.)

  • A pronounced sense of urgency. (You will work your ass off.)

Now accepting applications!

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  1. you forgot...

    Must see the world through the University stakeholders’ eyes and focus on the right
    outcome for the University at all times. (Make as much money as humanly possible so we can buy more land)

  2. Urgency  

    Shows up three times. Anyone else feel like Columbia's got something about to pour out of the closet?

  3. Anonymous

    Urgency is part of the job. OGC was quick to be involved in the Minutemen incident, and is obviously in play with all major liabilities to the University (major speakers/protests, professorial firings/denials of tenure, disciplinary proceedings, etc.). Things at Columbia tend to move faster than elsewhere (possibly to compete with the New York news-cycle), so OGC is on call a lot.

    They didn't outline the number of years of experience for this job, or whether they prefer to cherry pick in-house counsel from other schools, promote from within, or try to get lawyers straight from prestigious private practice. Bwog, do you know what's customary?

  4. wow

    really great bwog post. witty, incisive, well-written. missed those.

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