From the Orientation Issue of The Blue and White, we bring you Rob Trump’s detailed account of the beginning of PrezBo’s summer sabbatical in Vermont.

8:00 AM: Here we are. Sunny Vermont. Sunny, sunny Vermont. Let the sabbatical commence.

8:21 AM: …

8:25 AM: Jesus, this is boring.

8:26 AM: What the hell am I supposed to do on a sabbatical, anyway? Jean? Jean, could you come over here?

8:33 AM: Jean, would you look up “sabbatical” in the OED for me?

8:34 AM: Under “S.” “S” for “sabbatical.”

8:35 AM: One “b.” No, I’m not sure! Do I look sure? Two “b”s. Three “b”s! Is it really that hard to find when you’ve got “s-a-b” to start?

8:40 AM: “A period of leave from work”? Aw, no, really? Just a… just a period of leave? So I have to go back?

8:41 AM: Which is the one where… which is the one where you don’t have to go back to work anymore? Retirement? Retirement! That’s the one I wanted! That’s the good one!

8:44 AM: Well, I guess that means at least Quigley and Colombo are coming back from their “sabbaticals” too, huh?

8:45 AM: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.

8:46 AM: So I’m all alone on this one, huh, Jean? Well, that’s shitty. At least Judy Shapiro is gonna…

8:47 AM: Oh hell naw.

9:04 AM: That crafty tart.

9:30 AM: So I’m all alone to deal with that expansion, huh, Jean? What a mess.

9:31 AM: “Gentrification blah blah blah eminent domain blah blah blah.”

9:32 AM: Hey guess what, kids? If you don’t like this school gettin’ bigger and better how about you protest by NOT GIVING ME ALL OF YOUR MONEY SO I CAN DO IT.

9:33 AM: Don’t do that, though, I like your money.

9:34 AM: I’m just talking to myself, Jean.

9:35 AM: No, I’m perfectly fine. This is just what a sabbatical is for.

9:36 AM: Yes, it’s for talking to yourself! And yes, I’m aware that there was nothing in the dictionary about talking to yourself! It’s for that now because I’m deciding it is! I can do that! I’m still the President!

9:42 AM: Aw, quit it, Jean, or I’m going to take a sabbatical from you.

9:43 AM: Yes, I’m aware that means I’d have to come back to you, thank you. And no, that’s not my solution to all my problems.

9:46 AM: Well, what about the time I said I was taking a sabbatical from weddings, then? No, it was not so that I could avoid giving another speech.

9:47 AM: Yes, I absolutely would’ve enjoyed giving a speech at my own son’s wedding! I couldn’t go because I was taking a sabbatical from weddings, that’s all!

9:48 AM: I know I’ll only get the chance to see my son get married once! So will you, Jean!

9:49 AM: Oh, that’s why you went, huh? Oh, I see. Well, I was taking a sabbatical from weddings. Now let me read my Carl Hiaasen novel in peace, thank you.

10:24 AM: Jean, where’d you go?

10:25 AM: Jean, I have yet to move from this chair during my sabbatical, and I’m not about to start now.

10:56 AM: Oh, there you are, Jean, finally! I—I’m not at a good stopping point now, though. I was earlier! Chaz is in all sorts of trouble now, let me tell you.

10:57 AM: Okay, okay, I’ll put it down. Thanks for shopping, by the way, yes, Jean.

10:58 AM: Oh, you’ve bought the ingredients for lime rickeys? Well, why didn’t you say so?

10:59 AM: Like hell I’ll ever take a sabbatical from drinking.

11:00 AM: Now, who was it that’s taking over for Judy?

11:01 AM: Debora Spar? The hell kind of name is that?

11:02 AM: No, I’m just jealous because it’s awesome. I wish my name sounded like an imperative to fight.

11:03 AM: Lee Attack! Lee Jab! Lee Smash!

11:04 AM: Lee Pace? That some kind of trick to get me out of this chair, Jean? ‘Cause I’m not falling for it.

11:05 AM: And don’t you think for a second you’re getting me to change out of my boxer shorts and my NYCLU shirt. This here’s a man’s uniform.

11:06 AM: Oh yeah? You think I should? Well, I might just take this to the NYCLU then. Whaddaya think about that?

11:07 AM: Thought so.

11:10 AM: Some raspberry syrup. Raspberry syrup in the lime rickey. I’m going to take a sabbatical from this lime rickey until you put in more raspberry syrup.

11:11 AM: Ooh yeah.

11:15 AM: Haha, look at me, Jean! I’m on hunger strike, but look what I can still drink!

11:16 AM: It’s funny because it looks like Gatorade.

11:17 AM: I don’t know what kind of Gatorade it looks like, Jean. It’s a lime rickey with raspberry syrup. It looks like a combination of the lemon-lime and the fruit punch flavors.

11:18 AM: No, the hunger strikers did not drink a mix of lemon-lime and fruit punch Gatorade! That is not the point! Stop ruining my jokes, Jean. I’m going to—

11:19 AM: No, I was not about to say that I was going to take a sabbatical from you, Jean. I was going to say that I’m going to write a book. I’m going to write a book while I’m on sabbatical. Yes, that is absolutely what I was about to say. You can quote that to the papers.

11:21 AM: It’s going to be about the usual things, Jean! The usual things books are about!

11:22 AM: You know, like The Odyssey! Or City of God! Or Skinny Dip! A book like those!

11:23 AM: Jean, you don’t have to point out to me that those are not about the same thing. I know that.

11:28 AM: Which one of those will it be most like? It will be most like Skinny Dip, Jean, because Skinny Dip is a fine novel. A fine, fine novel that I might finish one of these days if I just had a minute to myself.

11:34 AM: It might actually have a little more about First Amendment history than Skinny Dip does, to be honest.

11:42 AM: Oh, I’m starting work on my book soon, thank you for reminding me, Jean.

11:54 AM: This sabbatical stinks, Jean. I’m going to take a sabbatical from this sabbatical.