Senior Wisdom: Jacob Weaver

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Before they start working to pay off their student loans, Bwog humbly asks for departing seniors’ thoughts and advice.  Read the rest of this year’s here.

jacob weaverName, School:
Jacob Weaver, CC/GSAS

Claim to fame: Former Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Politics & Society and Treasurer of ABC

Post-grad plans: I’ve been working on my MA in Statistics here at Columbia since graduating in December. This summer, I’ll be traveling in China and then working for McKinsey in New York.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

I learned how to speak Chinese (more or less), translate German, and write English.

Favorite study spot?

The fifth floor of Lerner is under-appreciated during finals, but I like studying at home. Potluck House in particular had great common rooms with friends, good food, and comfy chairs cast off by the law school.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

I fully intend to survive and eventually reproduce. With luck I will find a way to help people while I’m at it.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

The Ahmadinejad smackdown. It had the requisite relevance to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, ostentatious free speech, international publicity, and a great SNL digital short. What’s not to like?

Any battle wounds/war stories from the War on Fun?

Only secondhand: close friends with beautifully decorated walls had their suite forcibly repainted over winter break and were charged thousands of dollars for the privilege.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

Oral sex. My dog’s name is Brie.

What do you wish you could tell the Class of 2013 before they come here?

Everyone loves to hate the Columbia bureaucracy, but think of it like one big training ground for all the frustrating real-world institutions you get to deal with later. If someone tells you that you can’t do something, it could be because it’s a bad idea, but it’s often just because it’s never been done before. If it’s really worthwhile, you can make it happen if you’re persistent.


I know it’s a cop out, but I regret nothing I did and everything I didn’t do. When I’m feeling nostalgic, I wish I had taken classes in all the majors I never even considered, met all the people I never even saw, and joined all the clubs at the Activities Fair. Sadly, I also never played Assassins.

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  1. Sumaiya  

    Aww. I love all the answers.

  2. CU 09  

    Awww, Jacob is awesome! Bwog, please do one on Mike Weinstein soon! I


    yesssss! mike is so great tooooo!

  4. Awww!  

    But you should have done a joint Senior Wisdom column for Jacob and Annie!

  5. I love this man  

    Not only is he wise, but he's also incredibly good-looking, humble, and kind. I look forward to the great things he'll accomplish in the future.

  6. Weinstein Rockzz!!  

    Bwog, please do a profile on Mike Weinstein. He's better at statistics than Jacob and has lots of wisdom to share!!

  7. guys  

    Let's keep our comments focused on Jacob and write about Mike Weinstein on his Senior Wisdom, mmkay?

  8. I agree

    He had some great answers....good luck Jacob!

  9. idiot  

    The Ahmadinejad SNL digital short is not funny.

  10. W1n$t33nLvr461  

    Mike Weinstein is the best WKCR broadcaster and the best CPA!

  11. What about  

    Felipe Tarud?

  12. Can someone..  

    ...please help me put some beef in Clem H.'s taco.

  13. weinstein  

    is absurd, im not sure it would be wisdom...but it would probably be entertaining to read

  14. BC10

    Weinstein can touch my sign curves anytime.

  15. Weinsteign

    would drop truth bombs all over this blog

  16. suitemate  

    jacob is a tool!! what is he doing on here?

    just kidding, jacob is awesome. congrats, jacob, and well done.

  17. I second  

    Mike Weinstein.

  18. BC11  

    weinstein made my night all night. trust me, he has lots of wisdom.

  19. JPSers says,  

    Jacob Weaver is the best!

  20. yay!  

    I love you Jacob!!!

  21. go jacob!  

    he leaves much to be desired as a Smash Bros. player, but that's okay.

  22. Mike  

    Weinstein is a racist and a giant dickhead. He has done little to deserve a Senior Wisdom

  23. fresh man

    so are there any seniors that don't omg want to do everything (ABC, XYZ AND KGB)and omg wish they had taken every class. You know, people wh demonstrated their interests somewhere outside of lerner hall?

    • Hum...  

      No, you will not be profiled for being mediocre and apparently bitter about it.

      Back to the serious point here. Kirby requires no skils. My mother dominates with Kirby. This is a Canadian baker we're talking about here.

  24. Kirby  

    Is goddamn impossible to knock off the edge too; that "natural buoyancy" just keeps him floating back onto the platform.

    To sum up: Kirby is a giant floating testicle.

  25. agree  

    kirby is annoying as hell. captain falcon is where it's at.

  26. God  

    Mike Weinstein is hung like a tictac
    and by that I mean he will freshen your breath ;)

  27. Link  

    Is underrated.

  28. kirby  

    is for people who failz at life. it's all about luigi. with patience, one can master the art of the head butt.

  29. Everyone likes him but...

    choosing cheese over oral sex?

    • Senior

      Obviously everyone would actually choose to give up cheese; the whole point is to come up with a creative way to lie. Becky Abrams said it best last year: "giving or receiving cheese?"

      • Are You Kidding?

        Oral is great, but cheese is way fucking better. Plus when I eat cheese, I don't have to wait 20-30 minutes before I can eat cheese again.

        • lol  

          but cheese will make you fat :)
          and im seriously doubtin' you'd ever be in a position to get oral sex over and over. with an attitude like that? no way. most likely youre willing to give it up because you never get any ;)

  30. #3, 4, 7, and 22  

    are the same person who apparently went from being "CU"09 to BC 11, sucking Mike Weinstein's dick along the way.

    Sorry but Mike Weinstein is a detestable racist and misogynist. Given how closely he resembles a pig, I wouldn't be surprised if he caused the swine-flu.

  31. ewww  

    jacob weaver, gross

  32. Jesus

    Though later forsaken, I was originally birthed out of Weinstein's glorious anus.

  33. Also

    Weinstein's flock of illegitimate children will populate approximate 1/3 of Barnard's legacy admissions beginning around 16 years from now.

  34. confused  

    1- Jacob is pretty cool, but not as cool as Annie
    2- wtf happened on this comments page? Why is most of the stuff about Weinstein? He really isn't sr wisdom material.

  35. what about  

    Damian Ancukiewicz?

  36. Hmmm  

    Does anyone know what Jacob's major was in CC?

  37. request  

    not to break tradition, but i think all senior wisdoms should include just a bit more academic stuff. i think underclassmen would really appreciate it. a question about major/department, favorite teachers/classes, and some words of wisdom regarding their specific department (how to get things done, best profs, etc)


      Silly freshman. That's not the point of senior wisdom. Go use CULPA and learn how to bullshit. I'll keep my War on Fun and oral sex-or-cheese questions, thanks.

  38. COMP LIT!  

    and Economics.

    That guy is well fricking rounded.


  39. ...  

    jacob is my idol.

  40. i think  

    that you should ask some regular seniors to do this. i think they might give better advice. i dont know, people who aren't editors or involved in student government, but maybe are instead known for doing something special and/or random.

    - sophmore

  41. oh no  

    is he wapanese? seems like it.

  42. Sadia  

    Jacob is a fantastic person.

  43. jacob weaver  

    is disgusting. eff him.

  44. Anonymous  

    Thank you all for the kind comments

  45. Chuck Norris  

    Here's some senior wisdom:

    Jacob: 8=D
    Weinstein: 8=====D

    I vote weinstein gets a wisdom page.

  46. another JPSer  

    Congrats and good luck!

    and don't forget to donate to Helvidius!

  47. I wonder

    If the people proposing people for senior wisdom realize that they just make the person they're asking for look desperate and sad. I just always assume its the person in question.

  48. Hmm

    Your knowledge of languages is SEXY.

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