Dec

23

Don’t Worry, We Checked It Twice

Written by

‘Tis the commercial season, and the Bwog staff has its own list for the big man in the red suit.

In Dear Old Butler

A slightly warmer 209 and slightly cooler Butler everywhere else

Wifi faster than molasses on the 4th floor

A 1:1 ratio of Guys:Girls bathrooms

The return of free hot water in Blue Java

Opening of the tunnels for warmer and faster access to buildings (like Butler…)

More (leather) armchairs in libraries

Housekeeping

Fox Soccer Channel on Columbia’s cable system

A working dishwasher

Reversal of dorms’ anti-air conditioner unit policy

Renewed sense of decency that leads men to flush toilets regularly

That Housing lets me keep my dingle

Consistent and fast internet access in Barnard housing

To always have a view of at least one bridge

A ban on walk-through doubles under 48 square feet of space

Placement in a blind double with my new roommate, Aaron Phillips

Eating out

Oren’s to be open after 9

Free hot chocolate and coffee all year round in John Jay.

Later closing time at Brownie’s

A free food-filled semester

For the cupcake truck to come this far uptown

Panera/Au Bon Pain/Cosi to move into old Empanada Joe’s spot

Ferris Booth salmon steaks not synthesized in Pupin

For Hamdel to accept Flex

More trendy food trucks in the Columbia area

For Ferris to adjust the currently skewed rice-to-fish ratio in its sushi

The campus at large

Administrators who don’t give canned responses

Stairs that exit the Broadway side of lerner

For all the shiny new buildings being built on campus to finally be open.

Less slippery surfaces (ahem, Butler entrance, Low steps, etc) or better shoes, or a Winter Wipeout service to come help you up when you fall down

A fall concert

An express line to magically appear in the 116th station

A 24 hour Avery

Gates that stay open at the north end of campus

More regular screaming

Simon Schama to teach a real history class

Installation of pedestrian footbridges that permit students to cross campus diagonally

SGO computers taken off lock-down

Registration for a Creative Writing class

For Columbia-Barnard dorm swipe access (no signing in between the two schools)

Decent curves in engineering classes

For Lerner Mail to quickly process incoming mail

That amorphous “something’s cooking” smell

A large cup of coffee always in hand

For all my classes to be within 3 blocks from me

For the discipline to do work throughout the semester (and not just at the end)

A not stressful, very productive, and fun next semester

The Wider World

For people to know that I do science, yet am in CC! Imagine that!?

Sudden surge in tax revenues that allows the MTA to lower MetroCard prices

Flex dollars in the East Village

Snow pants for snow frolicking

A snowstorm every two weeks

For daylight savings time to start up again (for the sun to set at a time that isn’t 4:30)

A job

A roaring fire at home

To never have to fly on December 23rd again

The right to marry

– Photo via Flickr

59 Comments

  1. anonymous  

    more screaming! that's a good one.

  2. WAKE UP  

    WAKE UP COLUMBIA

  3. Santa of Rights

    Don't be silly, Bwog: you have the right to marry anyone you want, it's just that the government refuses to respect it! Happy holidays!

  4. Knowledge Bomb

    It's Daylight Saving Time. There is no s on the saving.

    Also, in the winter we are OFF of Daylight Saving Time, and during the summer we are ON it.

    The more you know...

  5. wait

    HOT WATER ISN'T FREE IN BUTLER ANYMORE??
    wtf this is winter fucking sadists

  6. how about

    to be able to levitate over all the right angles on campus so I can take the shortest way possible between buildings

  7. Owl Power  

    YES. Butler and Low steps are freakin' slippery. Every time it rains, I slip because I'm wearing my flip-flops since I'm a lazy asshole (also because flip-flops are so damn comfortable). Don't lecture me on why I should not wear flipflops in the rain, because I know. :Pdu

    • IN MY DAY

      ANY TIME THERE WAS A DROP OF RAIN, THE COLLEGE WALK WOULD INSTANTLY FLOOD AND WE WOULD HAVE TO TAKE A BOAT TO MAKE IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS. AND WE LIKED IT! SLIPPY STAIRS ARE NOTHING! SO SHUTUP ABOUT YOUR FLIPPYFLOPPY DICK.

  8. anonymous

    word to the slippery surfaces predicament outside of butler and on the low steps (i always feel like i'm going to fall!) - glad to know i'm not the only one!!

  9. I Get It!

    because, ordinarily, bwog never proofreads.

  10. Gross

    "Renewed sense of decency that leads men to flush toilets regularly"


    How about a renewed sense of decency that leads women to flush toilets regularly?

  11. Anonymous

    Why would you want a Panera to move in? That's the shit I have to eat when I leave New York for someplace where no one knows what a decent bagel tastes like/

    • Panera fan

      Panera has a lot more than just bagels -- for instance, their pastries that aren't dessicated fossils like the ones served at 212.

      • Anonymous

        I was just at Panera today. While it's not the worst, it is no where near as good as just about any other place in NYC you might get bread, pastries, bagels, or sandwiches. I'm just a little blown away that we are asking for a mediocre chain to come in. How about we ask for something that is actually good doesn't already exist every where else?

        • granted

          we do have Cosi, which is absolutely atrocious.


          It was one of the few places within reasonable distance of my internship last summer, and I never want to have to choke down one of their sandwiches, complete with undercooked chicken cartilage again.

  12. panera?

    ahem. let's try calling it by it's rightful name: st. louis bread co.

  13. Anonymous

    didn't we used to do a list of things we're thankful for? that's much better than this list of petty bitchery (even if i agree with most of it).

  14. needs

    more open bar.

    Life needs more open bar.

  15. Anonymous

    Dear Bwog,

    My christmas wish is that you find out what that new bar / restaurant is next to the Heights.

  16. Robert Banter

    What about cheaper prices overall?? I pay 8 bucks for 2 pieces of fruit

  17. jester

    columbia needs a SUBWAY sandwich shop, a dunkin donuts, and a chipotle actually on or near 116th st

  18. jester

    and the food prices on certain campus spots are insane, especially the engineering cafeteria

    • Why

      would you ever eat there? It's got the lowest hygiene rating on the entire campus.

      • I suppose

        he finds it convenient. Perhaps the "jester" is an engineer? Anyway, you can't have a very high standard of hygiene, so to speak, when you're situated one door across from one of the least cleaned mens' rooms in the campus. I suppose that leads back to the already tired discussion of bathroom manners several lines above. Ah well.

  19. Anonymous

    does anyone know when the deadline is for posting final grades on SSOL?

  20. I believe

    the updates are only viewable at 7:30. The system somehow processes the data at 3 or 4 (12 on weekends), but it's only available for viewing several hours later. And you get an email at the moment there is any news.

  21. i want

    to watch jiasi chen and lili gu bone

  22. for some reason

    ssol was not updated this morning!

  23. oh ssol

    Only 1 out of my 5 grades were posted just now, but at least that's something. I guess even TAs/professors need a holiday...Must be such a drag to have to submit grades this time of year. Still, it's frustrating.

  24. decent curves in engineering classes

    I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who laments the lack of eye candy in the engineering department.

  25. Merv the Perv

    I actually laughed a little when I read \decent curves in engineering classes\ ...I thought that you were asking for some more seas women with curves, but alas, you punks are asking for more grade inflation. Console yourself with the fact that you, unlike your grade-inflated liberal arts brethren, will have a job in four years.

  26. Hahah

    I was going to say for seas women \curves\ = grades, for seas men \curves\ = women and an automatic A in bastard physics courses.

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