CU Assassins: The Final Few

Written by

CU Assassins, a.k.a. the best way to legally carry a pretend gun on campus, is coming down to the wire. With the death of “Paul”, the far-and-away leader in kills, only twelve players and eight teams are left alive to battle for the fabulous cash prizes that ESC has offered. While recent kill reports have tended toward the curt and less-descriptive (“C’mon SON… whatchu doing leaving your door open”) Paul’s killer turned to a stream-of-consciousness reflection:

Paul plays this game like it’s supposed to be played. I looked up to him and his 10 huge kills. He played like a champion in his prime. I am the Lebron to his Michael. When he got shot, he didn’t say a word. No complaining and no whining like I have seen from others. He got shot in the back and he handed over the badge. Even in his demise, he was strikingly poised. He was an assassin to be remembered… You get in You get done And then you get gone You never leave a trace or show your face You get gone Should have turned around And left before the sun came up again But the sun came up again I was a killer, was the best they’d ever seen I’d steal your heart before you ever heard a thing I’m an assassin and I had a job to do Little did I know that Paul was an assassin too Suddenly I’m in over my head and I can hardly breathe

Sadly enough, this is the most interesting kill report in recent weeks. Hopefully the final few will return to the greatness of kill reports past.


  1. John Mayer  

    specifically wrote the song assassins for this game...

  2. six people left  

    only six people left, and 4 teams. the rest have been pending for a week.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.