May

15

From the Issue: Campus Gossip

Written by

A semester’s worth of overheards from the latest issue of The Blue & White!

Prof. Paul Olsen, beginning his section of the Life Systems course:
“Get out your clickers. It’s my first time, so be gentle. That didn’t
exactly come out how I wanted.”

**

Overheard in the Westside checkout line:
Boy: “I feel like I haven’t seen you in awhile.”
Girl: “Maybe that’s because you started banging that girl. Yeah, I went there.”

**

Guy to Girl: “You look tan. Did you go somewhere?”
Girl: “Thailand”
Guy: “Is it tan there?”

**

In Art History section, looking at Girodet’s portrait Jean-Baptise Belley:
Student: “I mean, it’s hard to not notice his…bulge. It’s like a sign of his sexual power, virulence…”
TA: “Right, and you would notice that, given that most of you are Barnard students.”

**

One man to another: “I can’t believe Tony Kushner grabbed your ass! I want to be sexually harassed by a Pulitzer Prize winning author too!”

Well, maybe not by Marvin Hamlisch.

**

Three girls about 10 years old, two of them on scooters, one girl to another: “And trust me. You don’t look anything like a butt. Don’t listen to them!”

**

Overheard at Zuma Beach, Malibu, CA:

A little boy and his mom are making a sand castle.
Kid: “Please? I can’t go to school on Monday, it’s the worst day of the week.”
Mom: “Well, you have to. You know why? Because if you don’t go then attendance numbers will be down and the school will lose funding. You know what happens then? You’ll lose your arts enrichment program. Is that what you want?”

**

Two graduate students in the Hamilton elevator on the way to a Virginia Woolf lecture.
Grad Student #1: “She’s a lot of fun, at least compared to Sylvia Plath.”
Grad Student #2: “Yeah, I like her “hands off” approach to suicide. It’s very Flintstonesque.”
Grad Student #1: “I imagine her rolling a boulder up a hill.”
Grad Student #2: “Oh, indeed, indeed. Very Flintstonesque. Or like Wile E. Coyote.”

**

A Jewish student with his Indian friend in Cafe 212 is about to eat his shrimp sushi roll.
Indian friend: “Aren’t you not supposed to eat shrimp?”
Jewish student: “Aren’t you not supposed to eat roast beef?”
Indian friend (pausing to put down his sandwich): “I’m pretty sure both our gods are mad with us right now.”

**

An indignant student, waving a graded paper in front of his friend: “And so my professor was, like, ‘I took off points because you didn’t cite your sources’! I mean, what does it matter if I do or don’t cite everything as long as what I write about is true?”

**

Girl: “Where’s Greenborough?”
Guy: “I think it’s in Brooklyn.”

**

Two graduate students debating the merits of various movies in Ferris:

Man 1: “You’ve never seen Happy Gilmore or Waterboy?”
Man 2: “I don’t like Adam Sandler.”
Man 1: “Are you serious? He’s like the Orson Welles of comedy!

The only way you can possibly think that is if your knowledge of Orson Welles is limited to Pinky and the Brain reruns.

**

Guest Lecturer in Crime, Law and Society: “A few years ago, Snoop Dogg had a song called “Gin and Juice.” Now, that’s just inefficient. What you want is gin and tonic.”

**

Our institutional memory… It’s at 1020!

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6 Comments

  1. Zuma Beach  

    sucks. Go to Point Dume--the entrance is literally across the street, and its way less crowded.

  2. Anonymous  

    Carl Hart makes that comment about gin and juice every year in Drugs and Behavior. He actually played the song during the final exam and we had to explain why gin and tonic was more efficiently intoxicating.

  3. Hey now...

    Pinky and the Brain far outclasses anything Adam Sandler has ever done, barring Punch Drunk Love.

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