These Professor Gchat statuses are fake, but The Blue and White wishes they were real.

Peter Awn: worshipping the albino marsupial that lives in the basement of Low Library

Jenny Davidson: a sabbatical combining the acoustical elegance of the aphorism with the force and utility of the load-bearing, tractional sentence of a more or less traditional vacation: http://jennydavidson.blogspot.com/

Kenneth Jackson: bring me a bagel, you can do my index!

Joseph Massad: considering the Palestinian question

Dorthy Denburg: <3 Hewitt Fro-Yo!!

Sudhir Venkatesh: underground for the week, contact Barksdale to find me

Dan O’Flaherty: http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Jeffrey Sachs: in Kenya developing millennial goals, spotty connection

Robert Thurman: Communicating

Gayatri Spivak: By reading stories intended to be fictive or mytho-historic, I train my imagination. A trained imagination can see the outlines and layers of what we are given to know; rather than be at the mercy of rational choice minimally defined by what sells. A trained imagination can judge, a faculty intrinsic to democracy. Why do we need to minimize the role of the imagination in everything we consume & use the word “reality” to endorse fiction (“reality”-tv, virtual “reality?”). These matters will not be discussed. I will read, and describe what I do when I read, learning rhetorical terminology as I do so.