May

5

Spoiler Alert!

Written by

There are Greeks in the horse. Troy loses.

It all began when Bwog overheard this conversation:

Freshman Girl: Hey, so how did Pride and Prejudice end?

Freshman Boy: Oh, they get married.

FG: Really? Like her and Darcy?

FB: Like yeah. How did you get into this school anyway?

We realized that many of you Freshman and Sophomore types might not have had the time to do all of your Core reading this semester. It’s tough, with all of those parties to go to other classes to study for and problem sets to do. So, if you’re like Freshman Girl and still aren’t quite sure what happened in the last six weeks of LitHum, or if you still can’t tell a categorical imperative from a social contract, we’re here to help with a few Core spoilers. Happy(?) studying!

Literature Humanities: Masterpieces of Western Literature and Philosophy:

  • Achilles kills Hector.
  • Women are crafty and there’s no such thing as home.
  • Orestes gets away with it.
  • Medea kills her kids and escapes.
  • Jesus faked his death.
  • Aeneas did make it to Rome, after all.
  • Ovid is into roleplay.
  • Saint Augustine confesses and becomes a Saint, duh.
  • Don Quixote was just dreaming.
  • Montaigne has kidney stones.
  • Hell is cold.
  • Raskolnikov goes to Siberia and becomes a Christian.
  • To the Lighthouse is terrible.

Contemporary Civilization:

  • The Republic wasn’t written by Socrates.
  • Imaginary cavemen were nice to each other.
  • Treat others as you would want to be treated, but don’t feel good about it or it doesn’t count.
  • Civilization is meh.
  • Wollstonecraft is a prude.
  • Marx has the best beard—if you throw off the shackles of false consciousness, you can have one, too.
  • Nietzsche has the best mustache—don’t even try, he’s better than you.
  • Freud is thinking about sex.
  • Virginia Woolf will give you three dollars or something if you stop¬†hating on women.
  • Foucault is kinky.

Gift Horse via Wikimedia Commons

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26 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    "To the Lighthouse is terrible."

    Oh yes. Oh fucking yes.

  2. shocked  

    NO WAY! don quixote was just dreaming?!?

  3. Anonymous

    More puns, please/

  4. Ugh...  

    fucking Mrs. Dalloway partisans...To the Lighthouse is way better. Alternate spoiler: You will never get to Z. You probably will never get to Q. If you were going to, then you probably already have gotten there. You may, however, get to the Lighthouse. And that may just be enough.

    Also, alternate spoiler for all of philosophy ever: http://www.dead-philosophers.com/

  5. senior  

    Wow, I definitely didn't get to the end of some of those/don't even remember who Orestes is (what play was that?)

  6. seas spoiler  

    when you graduate you get a job

  7. WHAT.  

    'To the Lighthouse is terrible.'

    WHAT. I just lost my already greatly diminished faith in Bwog. This is a dark, dark day indeed.

  8. Orgo Night  

    is about to happen, correct?

  9. Darwin  

    Things change over time, except fundamentalist Christians.

  10. To the Lighthouse  

    I LIKE IT

  11. Anonymous  

    please make one for SEAS. we feel so lonely and left out all the time. like we have for our whole lives...

  12. Anonymous  

    Jesus faked his death HAHAHAHA

  13. Anonymous

    who wrote this? this is funnier than it should be

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