Next, we hear from a “SEASoned character.”

Name, school: Justin Chow, SEAS

Claim to fame: 8 time Orgo-nighter, 4 years in a row Homecoming baby blue pigmented crowd pleaser (shout out to my stalwart crew the Columbs!), Kung Fu Fighter/stunter, that guy who periodically looks like he’s dressed up for war.

Where are you going? Embracing my Manifest Destiny and heading to the West Coast aka. SoCal. Living the graduate life researching these fancy things called Fuel Cells.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Dropped calls can be 100% avoided via the ROLM phone. Also, they are very effective tools for wake-up calling Freshpeople.

2. Tupperware can be a college student’s best friend. I shamelessly carry them around and the rewards are bountiful. Use certified ones or glass containers if possible though— take-out containers are prone to producing a strange putrid smell over many cycles. Suspiciously carcinogenic.

3. Next time you decide to meet up with that perennially late friend tell them to do so 30 minutes earlier. They will be on time.

“Back in my day…” The weather wasn’t so fickle and Jeffrey Sachs and causes like eliminating world poverty were more newsworthy than disparaging GS vets at town halls. Also, SEAS was in the dark ages but then Dean Peña-Mora came. And it was good.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: White Ninja

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Having been on both sides of the struggle, I am under the impression that this supposed “war” is just a sensationalized farce perpetuated by a select few vigilantes. But that’s just my opinion. Besides, there’s more to college than substance consumption or abuse. While on one side of the DMZ, my friends and I were able to do outrageously fun things like erect a yellow submarine in Schapiro for one of our landmark collegiate get-togethers or go to Central Park to set up camp, light backpacking stoves and hitch tents for the heck of it. Or, take over a lecture hall and watch a movie. Escaping to Brooklyn’s warehouse parties has been fun too. From the Man’s perspective, however, next time you’re out and about just translate the reslife saying of being “smart, safe, and responsible” as just another way of saying Don’t Be a Dumb F@!k and everything will be just fine. See, being CAVAd may sound like a great feat but it’s actually not.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Humans are hedonists by nature. Any seniors who have said oral sex are lying.

Advice for the class of 2015: Next time you eye that cup of coffee, try an orange instead. Citrus fruits are not only immune system boosters, but can also work wonders at keeping you awake. Wanda’s ‘Action Station’ at Hewitt beats Wilma’s Grill at JJ’s anytime, but when it comes to brunch, Wilma’s omelets win hands down. Speaking of food, learn how to cook. Your Morningside dining selection is only so small and it will make your life infinitely more enjoyable. It’s also muy popularo with the ladies. Either that or befriend the floor chef. When the libraries on campus are out of your book, make use of Borrow Direct. Sledding on a tray (there ARE still methods of procuring these) is phenomenal at the south most end of Morningside Park where there exists a killer hill. Sample as many clubs as you can in your first year and experience the plethora of awesomeness that Columbia boasts- your best friends can be met this way. In the same vein, try new, out of your comfort bubble things! I was like the only man in Orchesis one year and it was glorious. I also tried out for three plays in my time here and was rejected from all of them. Still fun. Go to the Upright Citizens Brigade on a weekend for their dirt cheap or even free shows for great laughs. Lastly, and my personal favorite, when you pass someone you know, greet them. The simple act of saying hi can make or break bonds.

Any regrets? I’d still like to know what g(tb)^2 stands for and make Donkey Kong come to life on the Lerner ramps.

Thanks to all who’ve made my time here at Columbia so worth it! Keep in touch. And to all those I still have the pleasure to meet, let’s establish this touch so we can keep it. In the spirit of the Fellowship of the Meatshtick, J.