May

8

Senior Wisdom: Nicholas Sanz-Gould

Written by

Another senior bestows his fleshy wisdom.

Name, School: Nicholas Sanz-Gould, CC

Claim to fame: I’m co-president of Chowdah Sketch Comedy, sometimes I have poems published in Quarto and New Poetry, I kinda have a thing for gold shoes, and maybe you listened to my radio show with Peter Licursi. (It was called Boy Polloi.) Also, I’m sort of a porn journalist.

Where are you going? I’m living in New York and working full-time for Fleshbot. I hope my parents are ok with that.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. It’s really hard to make the people at Health Services laugh.

2. Filled-up Gold Cards from Hamilton Deli make excellent gifts.

3. My head is shaped too weirdly to fit in a graduation cap.

“Back in my day…”I thought big kids were supposed to go around the city eating souvlaki Hey Arnold-style but it turns out there is way more stressing and sitting around. Also, Cafe East used to have tasty noodle soup and I miss it dearly.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I bought a few bottles of Coke for one of my security guards, and one day he surprised me with a George Clinton CD. Now we’re BFFLs.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? I always thought the War on Fun made Fun more fun. Freshman year Carman parties were across the hall from the RA’s suite, and it was the threat of getting busted that made us invite a lot of people and share the booze. Then again, I later found out that one of my floormates had been dating the RA the whole year. Sadly, I don’t think we ever thanked her for that.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I feel like wine and cheese is a played-out combination.

Advice for the class of 2015:

-Take any class having to do with linguistics or Jacques Lacan. That stuff is helpful/trippy in relation to everything.

-Go to Chinatown. It’s kind of a long journey, but you can get hella groceries for cheap, stocking your kitchen with produce, fresh noodles, dumplings, and at least five different sauces. Having a wok is handy, too.

-The owl is next to her knees in a little recess made by the folds of her robe. I just found this out last week.

-Do not work for the Alumni Calling Center. They pay you well, everyone is really nice, and it’s not that difficult, but gosh darnit there is something about the job that leaves you feeling soulless.

Any regrets? I never left town for any Spring Break. 11 year-old Nicholas used to watch a lot of MTV’s Spring Break Cancun, so he would be pretty disappointed in me.

Also, I slightly regret admitting that thing about the porn. It’s a good job though! And what else is a creative writing major going to do?

Know someone wise? Submit your nominees’ UNIs and a few good tales to [email protected].

Tags: ,

29 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    Excellent Senior Wisdom, if only for telling me where the owl on Alma is. I've been wondering for the past four years :)

  2. ugh  

    so sad he's leaving

  3. WHY IS HE SO COOL  

    I CANNOT HANDLE IT.
    THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.
    I HAVE TO LEAVE.

  4. Anonymous  

    dont know the guy, but going by his answers im gonna say hes in adp

  5. One Time  

    I saw Nick wearing cargo pants and flip flops, so then I started wearing cargo pants and flip flops.

  6. Carman 10  

    Nick was my neighbor and would offer me tea all the time. I didn't see him much after freshmen year but he still says hi when we run into each other which, sadly, for Columbia is atypical.

    Good luck next year!

  7. This was really good  

    Good luck nick!

  8. But  

    Bwog where is Mustafa's senior wisdom?

  9. ohmygoddd  

    this is the best senior wisdom ever!! I've never met you, but I seriously identified with every word of it ESPECIALLY the part about the call center! I made bank and was calling the highest donors within one semester but inexplicably left feeling like shit at the end of every shift (also after some woman replied that her mentally handicapped son was about to have brain surgery and she just wanted to be left alone I realized I had to fucking quit that place...). But seriously YOU ROCK and also the fact that you are Ottimo Massimo SERIOUSLY BLOWS MY MIND. Go fleshbot!! I hope you make a shitload of money with them and go on to do amazing things with your life, cutie pie!!

  10. Nick is awesome!  

    GO NICK! You're awesome! Send me a butt pic?

  11. Anonymous

    "Take any class having to do with linguistics or Jacques Lacan. That stuff is helpful/trippy in relation to everything."

    false. useless and mindless

  12. love love this  

    this is great. wish i had met you!

    signed,
    CC '11

    and amen:

    I thought big kids were supposed to go around the city eating souvlaki Hey Arnold-style but it turns out there is way more stressing and sitting around.

    i think one day we should all have a dungeons & dragons-style convention but dress up as characters from hey arnold and terrorize stoops across the city.

  13. Anonymous  

    I'm now sad. I haven't found the owl on my own yet!! SPOILER ALERTB

  14. ahhh  

    his poetry makes me fall in love

  15. HAHAHAH  

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

  16. You're great.  

    Love you, Nick.

  17. Nick is  

    like the coolest kid I know.

  18. Nick is

    my blue sea glass

  19. fleshbot?  

    be my best friend.

  20. Anonymous  

    OMG NSG ILY FTW

  21. calling center

    You must have sucked at your job, or had no friends. I've been at the Alumni Calling Center for two years now and its a great environment. I mean, Cmon, you get paid to talk to your friends and do your homework while you make a few calls to Columbia Alum. It's not that difficult.

    2015: its a great job. great money. and a great addition to your resume

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.