Senior Wisdom: Jody Zellman
Written by Bwog Staff
Name, school: Jody Zellman, JTS/GS/PBS
Claim to fame: Bacchanal, Beta Theta Pi, CUNUFF, cartoonist for The Columbia Spectator (until I was cut to make room for “younger students”), cartoonist for Bwog, Jonah Liben’s roommate.
Where are you going? I have a piano lesson at 4 o’clock.
Three things you learned at Columbia:
1) “Midterm” is a euphemism for any test before the final.
2) There are no homosexuals in Iran.
3) Every time a passive aggressive comment is made on Bwog, an angel gets a hernia.
“Back in my day…” Kids would ask “a/s/l?” before talking to strangers on the Internet.
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Even though people spend more time looking up my nose than into my eyes, I like being tall. Once I get money, I am buying a ticket to space.
Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? In 2009, Bacchanal tried to bring a petting zoo to Low Plaza. The request was denied. In 2010, we attempted to make “Duck Fartmouth” homecoming shirts. Also denied. In 2011, we got Snoop Dogg. A small victory in the War on Fun.
Party on, Wayne.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? It’s hard to imagine one without the other.
Advice for the class of 2015:
If you want Columbia to feel like a “real college,” spend more time on campus and talk to people in your classes.
Make improving life at Columbia and complaining about life at Columbia a 2:1 ratio.
Girls like going on dates.
Not having facial hair, yet.
Not rectifying the Theory of Relativity and Quantum Mechanics through the lens of Sociocultural Anthropology.