May

10

Senior Wisdom: Jody Zellman

Written by

Name, school: Jody Zellman, JTS/GS/PBS

Claim to fame: Bacchanal, Beta Theta Pi, CUNUFF, cartoonist for The Columbia Spectator (until I was cut to make room for “younger students”), cartoonist for Bwog, Jonah Liben’s roommate.

Where are you going? I have a piano lesson at 4 o’clock.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1) “Midterm” is a euphemism for any test before the final.

2) There are no homosexuals in Iran.

3) Every time a passive aggressive comment is made on Bwog, an angel gets a hernia.

“Back in my day…” Kids would ask “a/s/l?” before talking to strangers on the Internet.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Even though people spend more time looking up my nose than into my eyes, I like being tall. Once I get money, I am buying a ticket to space.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? In 2009, Bacchanal tried to bring a petting zoo to Low Plaza. The request was denied. In 2010, we attempted to make “Duck Fartmouth” homecoming shirts. Also denied. In 2011, we got Snoop Dogg. A small victory in the War on Fun.

Party on, Wayne.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? It’s hard to imagine one without the other.

Advice for the class of 2015:

If you want Columbia to feel like a “real college,” spend more time on campus and talk to people in your classes.

Make improving life at Columbia and complaining about life at Columbia a 2:1 ratio.

Girls like going on dates.

Any regrets?

Not having facial hair, yet.

Not rectifying the Theory of Relativity and Quantum Mechanics through the lens of Sociocultural Anthropology.

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33 Comments

  1. No question  

    Best Senior Wisdom yet.

    At the very least, best response to the Oral Sex/Cheese decision.

  2. excellent  

    Party on, Garth!

  3. I want  

    a microphone on this guy at all times.

  4. Duck Fartmouth

    I appreciate the administration's sensitivity to those of us with unusual names.

  5. Your Secret Admirer

    Marry me, Jody!

  6. oral sex vs. cheese  

    I have a pretty easy time imagining one without the other. thankfully.

  7. Jody tries to be comedian Steven wright

    This senior wisdom is just a bunch of one-liners

  8. Anonymous  

    you made me lol. 5 points!

  9. Jody's #1 Fan  

    please don't graduate. seriously.

  10. I LOVE JODY!  

    SO MUCH!

  11. a/s/l...  

    ...made me feel so much safer. Now I'm left guessing because it's socially inappropriate to ask!

  12. Yes

    Best oral sex/cheese answer yet.

  13. Anonymous

    I thought the PBS video he linked to was pretty awesome. Thanks for sharing it.

  14. Anonymous  

    what's a/s/l refer to?

  15. Who is this??  

    It isn't me, but it should have been. I love you Jodyyyy!!!!

  16. solved  

    "Not rectifying the Theory of Relativity and Quantum Mechanics through the lens of Sociocultural Anthropology."

    They're both just cultural constructs, duh! Sociocultural anthropology is easy!

  17. Anonymous  

    The Jody Zellman Trademarked Smile FTW!!! Nick Warther likes this comment.

  18. Anonymous

    jody zellman is a boy?? i should have FB stalked sooner...

  19. Jody is  

    so cute. That's all.

  20. Okay but seriously  

    Those Duck Fartmouth t-shirts need to happen

  21. Jody is  

    the cutest. Have had a secret crush on him for forever...but he always seems to be taken!

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