May

12

Senior Wisdom: Mary Martha Douglas

Written by

Name, school: Mary Martha Douglas, Columbia College

Claim to fame: Freshman RA – never moved out of first-year dorms! Co-Chair of the URC – sorry if I’ve ever pissed you off by walking by with a huge tour. Senior Fund – thank you to all who donated! And the girl who somehow got into a few issues of Vogue.

Where are you going? Nowhere (yet). Next year I’ll be here, finishing my MA in Poli Sci and working at a political strategy firm downtown before heading to DC and really starting life.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Surround yourself with people who make you smile. They’re the only ones who truly matter, and life is too short for drama. (I can’t believe how long it took me to learn that.)

2. “The difference between try and triumph is a little umph”

3. “Lewis and Clark were lost most of the time. If your idea of exploration is to always know where you are and to be inside your zone of competence, you don’t do wild new shit.”

“Back in my day…” Columbia was easier to get into. The subway cost two bucks. JJ had classy trays. We had to walk uphill both ways, but no one made you choose between brie and blow jobs.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’ll smile when I see you on campus, bake you cupcakes when you’re stressed, buy shots for the bar when drunk, and can teach you all the bad YouTube dances.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Sophomore year I was the RA “on duty” and thought I smelled smoke. I always get really nervous and feel soooo guilty if I have to bust someone, and didn’t know where it was coming from. I didn’t want to get the wrong room, so I put my nose to the door…tripped and landed on all fours in the middle of a party. I was so mortified that instead of doing my “job”, I frantically apologized, told them to have a good night, sprinted away and fell down the stairs – breaking two fingers.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Depends. Am I dating this guy?

Advice for the class of 2015: Never be afraid to ask for help, or admit when you’re in over your head. Whether it’s from an advisor, an RA, a professor or a friend. It’s never a sign of weakness or immaturity. In fact, it’s the opposite. Also, take risks, get confused and try something you may not necessarily be good at. That’s what college is for.

Any regrets? TONS. But I’ve learned not to dwell on them.

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38 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    not only did you land on all fours in the middle of a party, fall down stairs and break two fingers, but you also decided to publish this on bwog. you're ridiculous.

  2. alum

    Mary Martha is awesome! She is such a sweet, caring, glamorous, and insightful person! Good luck with everything!

  3. CC '11  

    mary martha is the goddamn shit. she is the most genuine, loving human being that has ever graced columbia's campus. we should all be grateful for her presence!

  4. Anonymous  

    that's just cruel/wrong.

  5. ugh  

    maybe she's changed since we were acquainted, but she is seriously one of the douchiest people i've ever met. insincere resume-padder.

  6. wow  

    that MADtv sketch is incredible. thanks for mentioning it!

  7. Anonymous

    Such a sweetheart. she goes out of her way to put everyone else first. An amazing ra, a kind person and someone dedicated to makin geveryone around her smile. If you have something bad to say, you have the wrong girl.

  8. Anonymous

    Um, she has a contract with vogue. What have you got?

  9. CC12

    Not gonna lie, she hosted me her freshman year when I was a wee prospy applying to Columbia. That wild night on JJ10 made me pretty damn certain I wanted to come here. Thanks, MM!

  10. JJ12  

    All of her former residents still love her like a goddamn mother so you betta shut it before talkin badly about my ra.

  11. I sometimes  

    try to live vicariously through Mary Martha. I'm always in awe of her generosity. She seems to do everything and yet I feel like she genuinely cares about me and the lowly ones.

  12. jj12er as well

    Agree in full with the first JJ12. MM's the shit, dont get it twisted. That she's no longer an undergrad at Columbia is tragic--she made me feel at home!

  13. THE REAL QUESTION IS...

    has she ever fucked an asian guy?

  14. cause that shit doesnt get started till  

    college-T.J

  15. 2010  

    I <3 MM. Seriously one of the best people on this campus. I'm glad you'll be around campus next year. Congrats on graduation! :)

  16. Anonymous

    Mary Martha is the best!!!

  17. Anonymous

    Surround yourself with people who make you smile. They’re the only ones who truly matter, and life is too short for drama. (I can’t believe how long it took me to learn that.)

    true true true

  18. Anonymous  

    Mary Martha is quite possibly one of the nicest/most involved/amazing people in the class of 2011. She brightens up every room she walks into and her warmth is contagious! Love her tremendously!! xo

  19. irrelevant  

    Aren't grades for seniors due today? I still don't have any except PE :(

  20. Anonymous

    well, maybe someone is a bit envious of MM's AMAZING years at Columbia, Jackie O style and tremendous generosity in time...

  21. Anonymous  

    Mary Marthaaaaaaaa best URC co-chair ever! LOOOOOOVVVVEEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. Can't believe I'm graduating!

    I don't have enough kind words to say about MM. The wisdom (and humor) she imparts here is just some of what I've learned from her while at Columbia. MM made me feel welcome when I felt alienated. She helped make me feel comfortable when I felt awkward, and she convinced me I was smart enough to compete when I felt like an insignificant AH. Mary Martha has brains and heart (while some of us, judging from a few of the comments, have neither.) Congratulations to us all on our graduations. Now watch some of us climb those ladders higher and faster.

  23. Solomon

    If I've learned anything from Senior Wisdom, it's that we're 50/50 on just about every single person that goes here.

  24. FURNALD 8

    Mary Martha is seriously the best RA.
    Mamma Bear!

  25. that my friends  

    is a very old picture

  26. Anonymous  

    Mary Martha is a total witch! She is possibly one of the most arrogant, obnoxious people I have met while at Columbia! She'll actually probably be the first to tell you.

    • Anonymous  

      what???? are you kidding? she's so down to earth, so sweet and will put a total stranger before herself every time. she's such a sweetheart, and she's done so much for Columbia - how about we stop bashing people LIKE TOTAL COWARDS - ANONYMOUSLY in their last few days on campus. How about that, you dick? She's a wonderful person who made a lot of people's lives better, just because she was in them. If you're jealous that she is polite and will keep smiling no matter what you say behind her bad, then fuck off. If you're jealous that's she's one of Vogue's 25 to Watch and you're constantly ignored, then I say again - fuck off.

      Seriously guys, no matter what you think of these seniors, these are their last days on campus. Let's stop using this as a place to make them feel hurt and embarrassed and instead use it to celebrate what they gave to the place.

  27. Anonymous  

    MM is such an amazing girl! If you're lucky, you'll be able to interact with her. Her love and enthusiasm is contagious. She's going places. I know it. I'm proud to call her a friend!

  28. Anonymous

    Mary Martha is an absolutely phenomenal person. I'm sure the rest of Furnald 8 and her other residents agree with me. Honestly, haters gonna hate. In the end, Mary Martha is still going to be running shit wherever she goes; whether you like her or not.

    Mary Martha for President – 2024

  29. Dana  

    Best RA ever! =)

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