Senior Wisdom: Akhil Mehta

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Name, school: Akhil Mehta, SEAS

Claim to fame: Former publisher of the Columbia Spectator and one time water polo “freshman phenom”

Where are you going? First to Europe with Doug Yolen and Keshal Patel, then to a cubicle in midtown.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

Columbia always thinks of you as a liability, especially when you think throwing oranges at Ruggles from John Jay is a good idea (its not).

For 99% of people on this campus, it is possible to get 8 hours of sleep a night without sacrificing academics, fun, or friends.

How to efficiently model stochastic processes, simulate random variables, assign probabilities to anything, optimally bid at auctions, and manage inventory. These skills are surprisingly applicable in the real world.

“Back in my day…” JJ’s was the place to be and actually had good food, there were hunger strikes, protests, and “bias incidents”, and the Morton Williams receipts said “Welcome class of 2011”…oh wait, that still exists.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: When the Toronto Maple Leafs win a Stanley Cup I will be the guy with the sign that says “Now I can die in peace.” Also, I’ve worn a kilt.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? I think the seniors won the war on 40s on 40; that was an awesome evening and went undisturbed. I don’t have any personal war stories, a combination of being friends with RAs and abiding by the “if they can’t see it, hear it, or smell it, it doesn’t exist” rule.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? One is a means to an end and one is an end in itself. If you can get the end, I say give up the means.

Advice for the class of 2015:

1) Find an activity that you’re passionate about with people you like. You don’t have to be the best at it, but the people you meet will become some of your best friends at Columbia.

2) Explore the campus – there are tunnels, roofs, hidden study (or do something more scandalous) spots, and a room full of pillows.

3) Live in John Jay – if you want quiet and solitude, close your door. If you want to hang out with people, they’re always around. And you’d be surprised how many people you can fit into a John Jay single; I think our record was 30.

4) Take floor hockey, it’s the best PE class

Any regrets? Not taking a Gulati econ class, missing the 114th Varsity Show, never watching a football game, doing an RA sponsored citywide scavenger hunt sophomore year, not being able to take a language, only figuring out CampusFood was awesome two weeks ago, and only taking floor hockey four semesters.

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  1. BC 13

    "For 99% of people on this campus, it is possible to get 8 hours of sleep a night without sacrificing academics, fun, or friends."


  2. This dude

    rocks. I'm so glad I've started hanging out with him more this semester.

  3. The real question is...

    has mehta ever fucked an....oh wait. wrong gender.

  4. WHERE  


  5. Anonymous

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets orgasms from cheese, it's really underrated if you ask me. Anyway, This dude is right. Akhil's a boss. Just look at that kilt.

  6. akhil is a boss

    in soviet russia, oral sex and cheese choose akhil

  7. way to go bwog!!

    akhil was the best pick for this. why don't more people throw oranges at ruggles?!?

  8. Anonymous  

    funny and seems really cool. i wish i got to know him when i had the chance!

  9. CC'13  

    you are so cute! how did i never meet you?

  10. HOORAY  


  11. Leafs fan  

    GO LEAFS GO!!! and by extension, Akhil you rock my socks.

  12. He's right

    About floor hockey. He was a hell of a player too. Made the class fun.

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