Name, School: Javi Plasencia, CC

Claim to fame: I’m that guy who walks around campus with food unknowingly stuck in his beard. You may also know me as the former biking coordinator for COÖP or as one of the tour guides shepherding herds of prospies around campus.

Where are you going? I have two enticing options. I can either work as a buyer for Morningside Height’s premier boutique, Liberty House, or I could take an unpaid internship at high-profile chocolatier, Mondel’s.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. NEVER eat John Jay food right before class; your bowels will thank you.

2. NEVER wear flannel-lined pants to a lecture. Although they will keep you warm outside, as soon as you walk into a classroom you will quickly realize your mistake. “My friend” got swamp-ass once and had to exit the lecture hall with his back to the wall.

3. NEVER climb buildings in Brooklyn late at night (you know who you are).

“Back in my day…” you had to make a fast decision at 96th St. You could either walk or wait. There was none of this train status monitor bullshit.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I am the boy who lived.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? I go back and forth with this one. Last year I had a party in Ruggles that culminated with fireworks and crowd surfing, and, by some small miracle, I didn’t get written up. My comeuppance came this year, however, when public safety wrote me up for having TEN people in my EC suite. They told me that if I was going to have more than eight people in my suite I needed to fill out the appropriate forms. When asked where I could find said forms, they directed me to Hartley. I haven’t asked Hartley about the “party forms,” but I have a sinking suspicion, and by that I mean I know, that they do not exist.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I eat cheese every day and well… Let’s just say that keeping cheese in my life would be the most practical option.

Advice for the class of 2015:

Take Heed:

1. Milano: H16
P&W: Sasquitch
Hamdel: Stallone
Absolute: Toasted Egg Bagel with Butter

2. Do not buy produce at any grocery store. Wait for the farmer’s market.

3. Handle Netflix instant watch with care. Depending on your schedule, it can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

4. At some point in your college career, get out of the city during the fall to see the leaves. New England foliage is unreal, especially for Californians.

5. Do COÖP. It could very well make your college experience.

Any regrets? All those flimsy umbrellas I bought from Duane Reade. Also, not buying a bike sooner.