Feb

5

Bwog Sports: Super Bowl Sunday!

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Touchdown!!

It’s finally here – the day all New Yorkers, Bostonians, and 10% of Bwog readers have been waiting for. It’s Super Bowl Sunday! In light of this special occasion in the world of sports, Bwog brings you a special edition of our weekly round-up to prepare the less athletically-inclined members of our readership for the big game. But first, here are the results from Columbia teams this past week:

Men’s Basketball (13-9, 2-4 Ivy League) beats Dartmouth at the buzzer, 64-62, before losing at Harvard, 52-57

Women’s Basketball (2-16, 0-4 Ivy League) drops both weekend games, falling to Dartmouth, 44-59, and then to Harvard, 56-68

Women’s Tennis (1-0) opens the season with a big win over UMass, 5-2

Men’s Tennis (2-0) sweeps Cleveland State, 7-0

Wrestling (4-3, 0-1 Ivy League) fell to Cornell in Ivy League opener, 9-30

Men’s Swimming & Diving (6-2, 3-2 Ivy League) ends four meet win streak at Navy, 136-156

Track & Field enjoyed a strong performance at the New Balance Collegiate Invitational, where the men’s 4x800m team set a new meet record and clocked the fasted time in the Ivy League this season

After the jump: our resident sports expert explains how not to look like an idiot during the big game.

How To: Watch the Super Bowl

What to Know

At 6:30 p.m. tonight, the New York Giants (9-7) and New England Patriots (13-3) will kick off Super Bowl XLVI at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Eli Manning and the Giants went 9-7 in the regular season and returned to the playoffs for the first time since 2008 after winning the NFC East. In the Wild Card game, the Giants crushed the Atlanta Falcons, 24-2, and went on to beat the defending Super Bowl Champs, the Green Bay Packers, in the Divisional Game, 37-20. In the NFC Conference Championship, the Giants beat the San Francisco 49ers in OT. The Giants last won the Super Bowl in 2007 over the Patriots.

Tom Brady and the Patriots finished the regular season with a record of 13-3, clinching the AFC’s #1 seed in the playoffs. The Pats have been one of the most consistently successful teams in the last decade, making the playoffs nine times since 2001 and winning three Super Bowls in that time. In the Divisional game, the Pats smoked Tebow and the Denver Broncos, 45-10. In the AFC Championship, the Patriots beat the Baltimore Ravens after Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff missed a 32-yard field goal that would’ve brought the game to OT. The Patriots last won the Super Bowl in 2004 over the Philadelphia Eagles.

Where to Go

Choose wisely. New Yorkers will be especially testy (read: drunk) today, so don’t show up to a Giants fan bar wearing a Brady jersey. A friend’s suite/apartment is a safe bet, just make sure you’re not the only Giants fan in a suite full of Southies, unless you’re trying to be that guy.

What to Wear

If you’re a Giants or Pats fan, rock your team’s jersey for the big game. If you have no affiliation whatsoever, pick a team beforehand and wear their colors. Don’t be the guy wearing an Eagles jersey at an NYC bar today. No one likes a sore loser.

What to Eat/Drink

Drink beer. Tonight’s not the for a gin and tonic or boxed wine. Preferably, drink something quintessentially American like Budweiser or Coors. Embrace your state school fantasy.

If you’re trying to be especially classy, pick up a few six packs of local designer beers like Brooklyn Pilsner or Sam Adams.

Mentally prepare for your entire dinner tonight to be chip-based. Eat a lot of seven layer dip, salsa, guac, and whatever else you can throw on some Tostitos.

What to Say/What Not to Say

Stick to what you know. If you don’t know anything, just cheer and boo along with the rest of the crowd.

Apathy is boring and kind of a buzz kill. If you don’t care and someone asks you who your team is, tell them you’re rooting for either the Giants or the Pats. You’ll make a quick friend or enemy, but at least you’ll seem like more than a wall flower.

A safe situation to comment is always a challenge. When the officials are reviewing the play, everyone in the room will have an opinion on what happened, and this shit isn’t rocket science. Was his knee down? Did he have two feet in bounds? Shout out what you think, because most of the time, half the people in the room will be wrong anyway.

Special Tips for Girls (who don’t know anything about football)

Even if you’re deciding who to root for based on which team has the cuter quarterback, don’t say that out loud.

Try not to refer to Tom Brady as Gisele’s husband.

If you’re at a Super Bowl party, don’t leave the room for the actual game and come back in only for the commercials and the halftime show.

Speaking of the halftime show, this is your time to shine. Make any comments you like on the performance, outfits, Madonna’s freakish Gollum-like arms – whatever catches your attention. Afterwards, refrain from bringing up any of said comments again.

Most importantly, enjoy the game and may the best team win!

Star Player Via Wikimedia Commons

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15 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    "Special Tips for Girls (who don’t know anything about football) "

    nice job perpetuating gender stereotypes, Bwog. the heterosexual "tips" in that section are pretty fantastic too.

  2. Anonymous  

    ...some of the tips for girls are weird and kind of sexist. is it supposed to be a bad joke that if you want to enjoy football you have to act like a stereotype of your gender? if not.....really, bwog???

  3. Anonymous  

    Special tips for girls?
    Go fuck yourself, Bwog.

  4. lol are you serious?  

    sam adams is not a "local designer beer," that shit is sold across the country. it's decent and all, but it's no microbrew

  5. RihannaNavy

    Not gonna spend my time watching this has been, Madonna, at the superbowl's halftime show. Horrible new song and video. This woman needs to have some real talent instead of trying to get a ride on young artists' talents. Go away, Madonna.

  6. ...  

    i think it's possible that things might just work out better for all involved if bwog decided to just maybe not try to cover sports...

  7. Anonymous  

    As with any form of press, you have the ability not to check such things if you dislike them. As for the periods, sorry ladies, but you're gonna have to keep checking those. Oh yeah, BWOG SPORTS RULES!

  8. ANON  

    Who really gives a shit about this game?

  9. Anonymous  

    Oh man, I just wanted to comment on the lol-worthiness of that picture. But I guess I have to be all, Bwog is fucked up for those "special tips for girls." Which is kinda true.

  10. Anonymous  

    stereotypical sexism always makes for great comedy material

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