Name, Hometown, School, Major: Thomas Timberlake, Berkeley, CA/New York, NY, COLLEGE, Sustainable Development

Claim to Fame: Member of the Columbia University Rugby Football Club for the past 3 years, president in 2011. I also get recognized all the time for fitted hat and camo vest swag.

Where are you going? Back home to 109th Street, chill with the roommates (aka my parents). Eventually I’m going to get a job, but I may delay that by moving to Tahoe to shred fresh snow and keep it extra buttery before global warming ruins that opportunity.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Don’t spread yourself thin with the activities. I think that a lot of my peers maintain the whole I-need-to-get-into-college-so-i-should-play-3-sports-do-modelUN-and-sing-songs-and-act-in-plays-and-be-in-cultural-groups-and-learn-the-greek-alphabet attitude that got them here. It may work for some people. However, in my own experience, fully committing to just a few activities you can be really passionate about is a much better strategy for college than joining every organization that gives you a free Starburst on activity day.
2. You’re not going to understand everyone you go to school with; not everyone is going to understand you. The personalities, senses of humor, styles, and beliefs on the campus are too diverse. Don’t sweat it.
3. You guys know the scene in the Macklemore x Ryan Lewis “Wings” music video (http://youtu.be/gAg3uMlNyHA?t=3m53s) where the kid is walking home from middle school and the high-schoolers steal his Air Jordan IVs and he has to walk home in socks, but he has a fresh pair of Vs on ice under his bed and so he puts them out? We all have our consumerist vices; sometimes they can be heartbreaking. Every once in a while, rap videos can contain life lessons.

“Back in my day…” 

• Today’s Electronic Dance Music student DJs were still listening to Nickelback x Nelly mashups. Seriously though, one thing I didn’t learn at Columbia is why people like that kind of music so much.
• Campbro existed; Mel’s was a sushi place.
• The Dodge weight room had the old set-up and old plates.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I once convinced a 12-year-old kid on a chairlift in New Jersey to quit smoking while he filmed the entire conversation with his GoPro helmet cam. Take that, lung cancer.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Honestly, I take objection to the whole “War on Fun” thing. It’s a classic example of scapegoating. You’re going to face challenges in life that make that one time the RA came by and told you to turn down the bass on the new Avicii remix of a DeadMau7 remix of a Swedish House 36 Mafia remake of a Mozart symphony look like a walk in the park. I’ll throw a story out there though. Remember how when you were a kid playing with the new toys that Santa brought you and your parents told you not to light the Christmas tree on fire, because your Lego fire truck was not actually capable of putting out fires? Well, there’s a reason for that. Christmas trees…in April are quite flammable. I wasn’t the one wielding the matches, but I did witness this firsthand. Ultimately, a concrete patio is a pretty controlled spot for something to burn.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? This question is a dead horse by now though. Can’t you guys go back to the middle school bus back from a field trip list of Would-You-Rather scenarios and pick something new?

Advice for the class of 2016: 

• For mental and physical health: exercise (releases endorphins), hydrate (something like 95% of all headaches are a result of dehydration), and sleep (8-9 hours a night, the whole #friendsacademicssleeppickonetogiveup thing is a scam to justify unhealthy behavior). There’s science behind this, but knowing the general disdain for Frontiers of Science, I’ll spare you all. In all seriousness, it’s a lot easier to change your own lifestyle to achieve happiness than spend your time trying to get others or the university to change.
• Play rugby. The friends you make and the feeling that you’re part of something bigger than yourself are well worth the weekly black eyes.
• If you’re bout the intellectual life, take the time to write a senior thesis. It’s a real good feeling to leave college with a nice 50-page chunk of academic work you can be proud of.
• Chipotle bro-tip: You can usually get away with free double meat and guacamole if you ask for extra lettuce and tomatoes, and are charming and polite to the lady at the cash register. The color of the lettuce camouflages the avocados.
• Westside dinner/lunch plates are a huge step-up from the meal plan.

Any regrets? Sure, but why dwell on them at this point? The constructive ones are worked into the above advice section. Lyke dis if u crie evertim. I’ll miss yall.