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First Taste of that Dark, Columbian Roast

Anonymous email sent in last night which recounts a critical moment in the Columbian life-cycle:

At approximately 5pm EST, a shot was fired.

“Housing?!” posted one eager student in the Columbia – Class of 2016 Facebook grouper, sending over 1,000 students into a rush to get to LionMail first. No doubt, this would create traffic; a traffic that caused the servers to crash. Those who made it through the cracks of the virtual wreck posted statuses in the good – giving rise to jealousy from other students.

Overenthusiastic freshmen began chanting the legendary “Carman Forever” song.

Others, confused and clearly oblivious to the power of synced Lionmail, posted statuses wondering how they, too, check their housing assignment.

For a moment or few, it was quiet. Peaceful, almost. First-years were delightful exchanging building names and room numbers in one (long) polite post. Surely, friend requests were being sent and approved. For seven minutes, all was quiet on the home front. It was cute.

Until the Housing Portal magically opened up. Then, it was a bloody clusterfuck.

Students pledged their pride to certain buildings – posting room assignments not once, not twice, but up to three times up and down the Facebook page in different posts.

If that wasn’t enough, they started forming groups within the Facebook school group.

At least 13 were made in allegiance to a particular floor or suite, including one designed for potential freshpeople who are already dissatisfied and want their housing payments refunded.

And, in some quintessential-Columbian way, documents were being posted for better organization. Five listings popped up within the last hour of the Housing Craze of Freshpeople 2012, each one dedicated to a respective building and every one classifying the names of residents by floor and room.

About four hours after the initial shock, the flames died down and students crawled to the listings and groups for comfort. Others who missed everything excitedly posted statuses, obviously overlooking the damage before them.

In all, does it really matter where you end up? Don’t you learn to love all of your floor/suite/room-mates anyway?

Haha, yeah right.

Don't be hatin'!

Growing up too fast via TwinPossible

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28 Comments

  • yikes says:

    @yikes pre-frosh who submit to bwog = the worst

    1. fng says:

      @fng what if i am a pre-first semester GS student? am i better, worse, or the same as pre-frosh?

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous worse.

      2. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous You’re sleeping on the steps of the backdoor you came in on, GS scum.

    2. CC'16 says:

      @CC'16 Wait i got put in Carman hall…does that mean i have to listen to people making noise, drinking and partying all year? I can’t deal with stupid kids who don’t study 24/7. I need perfectly quiet surroundings to maintain my 4.3 GPA otherwise I will not even have a chance at getting into a med school. Is there a way I can complain to Columbia to move me to Furnald? I hear it is so much quieter in there.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous seriously 4.3!!?!?!?!? HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH. YOU GOT JOKEZ!!

      2. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous Are you the same person who posted if it was possible to get a 6.0 GPA?

        If so, you might need all that Carman has to offer to calm yourself down.

      3. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous first-rate trolling.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous trying to figure out some way to relate this to lion king again, but i can’t. maybe i’ll spend today watching all 3.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous I only watched the first one that fateful day, and it raised more questions than it answered, such as: Do male lions really take care of lion cubs? Do lion cubs really know if another lion is their uncle? Can a warthog and a meerkat really be friends?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous That time Ryan Mandelbaum killed it on Carman Forever

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Congratulations everyone!!!

  • Yup says:

    @Yup I’m one of these people. Hate on it.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Hahaha “bloody clusterfuck”

  • Prefrosh haven't... says:

    @Prefrosh haven't... …earned their cynicism yet

  • 2016 here says:

    @2016 here Didn’t even mention how three doubles were mixed-gender by accident, or some choice quotes like the “Dear Bwog infiltrator” thread.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous so tip them!

  • CC '15 says:

    @CC '15 “But, hey, we’ll be just like them in a yearish!”

    y’all don’t even know…

    1. cc 14 says:

      @cc 14 shut up, you have no right until after NSOP.

      1. cc 13 says:

        @cc 13 holy shit. it just hit me — i’m a senior.

  • CC'16 says:

    @CC'16 Come on fellow freshmen, your gleaming eagerness is shameful.
    Please calm your tits.

    1. cc 14 says:

      @cc 14 sorry, this is equally annoying. you really can do no right, here, now.

  • Hi says:

    @Hi Hey can anyone post the link to the facebook group?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous No.

  • SEAS '16 says:

    @SEAS '16 Why am I, male, assigned to a double with someone of a female name… And this seems to happen anywhere according to Facebook…

    1. First Lesson at Columbia says:

      @First Lesson at Columbia Don’t force your gender binary on me!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous is thei liad hard to read? how long does it take to read 6 books? how long is book

    1. k bye says:

      @k bye then you probably shouldn’t read it

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