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The Bwog Condom Guide

Dear Class of 2016: We hear you’re going to the zoo tomorrow. And because we know things can get pretty wild at the zoo (especially when they have a DJ “mixing tunes”) we want to make sure that you stay safe before, during, and after your encounter with the wild side. Below are all the spots on campus where you can find all the condoms you could possibly desire or require.

Good luck!

Love, Bwog

A Fictional Census of Morningside Heights

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33 Comments

  • Haha says:

    @Haha Click to enlarge…

    Ahem.

    1. Blasphemy says:

      @Blasphemy There are no condoms in the middle east house. WE don’t have that phenomenon in the middle east.

      1. the downvotes says:

        @the downvotes must be from you youngins who don’t remember Ahmadinejad and don’t get the joke

        Know you’re history kids, lest it repeat itself … by a petty dictator coming and getting a verbal spanking from the ‘Bo, and saying some pretty hilarious/ridiculous homophobic shit in the process

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Indeed you are.

      2. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous Funny stuff! But actually the Middle East House doesn’t have a condom supply. I’m not sure why it’s on here. And the house itself is no longer in Claremont.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I heard you can’t get pregnant if you do it in the Butt but that chick I met in the stacks disagrees. Someone help!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous it’s rare, but possible

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This map has saved me before and will hopefully save many a person again from horniness and babies! =)

    1. Barnard says:

      @Barnard $5 a pop for subsidized morning after but they frown upon repeat customers

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous also some in office of residential programs (lerner 5)

  • Harmony Hunter says:

    @Harmony Hunter Can anyone tell me where to find Harmony? I heard they’ve got strawberry flavored condoms there.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Just because you bought a ticket doesn’t mean you get to go on the ride.

  • ugh says:

    @ugh * your

    ps. sucks to undermine my own old-man-musings with grammatical mistakes

  • Hey hey hey! says:

    @Hey hey hey! No glove, no love.

  • hipster whore says:

    @hipster whore condoms are soo yesterday

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous have fun with aids

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous hey, they are less than 21.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove.
    There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
    Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
    Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
    It’s easy.
    There’s nothing you can make that can’t be made.
    No one you can save that can’t be saved.
    Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
    in time – It’s easy.

    All you need is glove, all you need is glove,
    All you need is glove, glove, glove is all you need.
    glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove.
    All you need is glove, all you need is glove,
    All you need is glove, glove, glove is all you need.
    There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
    Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
    Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
    It’s easy.
    All you need is glove, all you need is glove,
    All you need is glove, glove, glove is all you need.
    All you need is glove (all together now)
    All you need is glove (everybody)
    All you need is glove, glove, glove is all you need.

  • Alice! says:

    @Alice! Alice! Health Promotion, part of Columbia Health, now offers an interactive map to help students locate safer sex supplies. Each listing includes hours, types of safer sex supplies, and more. The map will be expanded as new locations are confirmed and added. Feel free to send locations to alice@columbia.edu After we verify the information we can add it to the map. http://health.columbia.edu/services/alice/sexual-health

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Have you seen the interactive map from Alice!?http://health.columbia.edu/services/alice/sexual-health Each listing includes the hours, safer sex options by location, and specific spot in the building. More locations are being confirmed and will then be added to the map soon. Send any location suggestions to alice@columbia.edu

    1. note that says:

      @note that ~*~*track button*~*~

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah
    She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah
    She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah yeah

    You think you’ve lost your glove
    Well, I saw her yesterday
    It’s you she’s thinking of
    And she told me what to say

    She says she gloves you
    And you know that can’t be bad
    Yes, she gloves you
    And you know you should be glad

    She said you hurt her so
    She almost lost her mind
    But now she says she knows
    You’re not the hurting kind

    She says she gloves you
    And you know that can’t be bad
    Yes, she gloves you
    And you know you should be glad, ooh!

    She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah
    She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah
    With a glove like that
    You know you should be glad

    You know it’s up to you
    I think it’s only fair
    Pride can hurt you too
    Apologize to her

    Because she gloves you
    And you know that can’t be bad
    She gloves you
    And you know you should be glad, ooh!

    She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah
    She gloves you, yeah yeah yeah
    With a glove like that
    You know you should be gladgglove

    With a glove like that
    You know you should be glad
    With a glove like that
    You know you should, be glad!

    Yeah yeah yeah
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah

  • Jk says:

    @Jk Too late, I already flagged 5 feedbags with my awesome, agile, and amazing cum…

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous what about female condoms?

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous you mean the anus?

    2. alex says:

      @alex those are at well woman, there are equal # of male and female condoms on campus

    3. Alice! says:

      @Alice! Female condoms are available from Columbia Health in three locations. Alice! (Wien Hall ground floor), Medical Services (John Jay fourth floor), and Sexual Violence Response (Lerner Hall third floor). Dental dams are also available in these locations.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous dental dams? cheeeeck. been looking for these.

  • Ok, but for seriously... says:

    @Ok, but for seriously... Do they have different sized condoms? Or is this a one-size-fits-all deal, because I’m not saying but I’m just saying, I’ve only ever used Magnum XLs.

    1. Ok, but for seriously... says:

      @Ok, but for seriously... I see you, down-thumbers. All y’all just jealous, it was a totally valid question. Big bubba ain’t gon’ fit into no regular sized gown.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Yep. Currently LifeStyles XL are available, but trojan condoms are coming to campus later this semester.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous do they deliver?

  • Baby Roulette says:

    @Baby Roulette I have poked holes in random ones around campus! Have fun!

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