Rejoice, dear readers, because your favorite combination of food reviews and shock porn references, 2Girls1Snack, is back! In this edition, intrepid snackers Alexandra Eynon and Alison Herman leave no avocado pit unturned in their tireless quest for Morningside’s most holy guacamole.

the contenders

Tacqueria y Fonda $7.50 with chips.

Tacqueria y Fonda’s guacamole was by far the most visually appealing, with layers of fresh onion, cilantro, tomato, and jalepeño topping chunky avocado. The flavor didn’t disappoint either–it’s fresh with a nice kick, although those who missed the first delicious scoops found what was underneath to be a little bland. The chips are small, crisp, and oily–a nice counterpoint to the jalepeño. The biggest testament to this guac’s standout quality, though, is how quickly it disappeared from the McBain 8 lounge tasting kitchen.

Rating: 4.5/5

Cascabel $9.50 with chips.

Cascabel’s guacamole has quite a few things stacked against it. For one, the restaurant’s a whole six-block walk away from campus (almost as far as Absolute!). Cascabel also charges for extra chips, which 2Girls deemed “not cool.” And with tax and tip, a rather small order of guacamole will set you back about ten dollars. But Cascabel can do that, because they serve the chunkiest, limiest, most avocado-flavored guac in a one-mile radius. It may not have the aesthetic value or jalapeno kick of Taqueria’s guac, but for those who prefer guacamole that’s basically a 75% structurally intact avocado with some lime juice and cilantro garnish, Cascabel is the way to go. Bonus points for the delicately crispy, lightly salted chips.

Rating: 4/5

The Heights $7.50 with chips.

Let’s be blunt– you probably aren’t going to the Heights for the guacamole. And you shouldn’t, really, with the superior neighborhood options. While satisfyingly chunky and boasting fully adequate quantities of tomato and onion, this dip was missing the bright lime and cilantro flavors of the previous two. Instead, Heights guac is salt-heavy and paired with generic corn chips which, while not enticing at first taste, would make it very appealing after a frozen margarita or three.

Rating: 3/5 Sober, but totally a 10 after Happy Hour

Westside $4.99.

Oh, Maria. You really let 2Girls down with this one. The problem with Westside’s “guacamole” is that it’s really more of an avocado-based dip, with a positively liquidy texture and absolutely no mix-ins–not even tomato and onion. There’s also very little actual avocado flavor; instead, the guacamole is little more than a solvent for an overpowering amount of cilantro and, bizarrely, green pepper. Discriminating snackers are better served by the insane variety of other dips on offer at Westside, best enjoyed with the flavorless and airlike (yet oddly appealing) crispy things they serve at the sample stand.

Rating: 2/5