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ASSkBwog: The Buttler

The Crown Jewels

Dear Bwog,

I was casually walking around naked in my girlfriend’s Shafted Woodbridge duplex post-coitus when I heard giggles. Two girls from across the shaft caught me snacking naked in the kitchen. Shafted (and in so many ways!), I now turn to you for advice: how should I handle this situation?

— Buttler

Dear Buttler,

First, put some clothes on before writing your email—I live across from your shaft too. Second, let’s address this situation pragmatically. Depending on your character, there are a few ways you could handle such a situation:

  • The Surrender: put some clothes on and avoid the girls for the rest of the year at all costs.
  • The Batman: next time you want to go for a naked stroll, turn the lights off, put the blinds down, and wear a cape. The night is your friend.
  • The Conciliator: turn around and face the window like a man… don’t half ass it.
  • The Avenger: gain some weight and repeat your public naked frolics.
  • The Entertainer: dance. If you’re going to entertain, do it all the way.

Of course, we may have forgotten a few, but this should give you a few options to play with next time you find yourself in such a situation.

Much love,

Bwog

The Full Monty via Wikimedia Commons

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11 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Don’t leave the room naked.

  • Tobias Funke says:

    @Tobias Funke Never-Nudes don’t have this problem.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous More than we’ll never know.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous bwog, can you please stop posting stories that remind me of the sad fact that everyone except for myself is getting laid?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I have nothing to productive to say. I love this post.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Just heard loud sex coming from the Woodbridge shaft. Went for the encore?

  • Lulz says:

    @Lulz Someone didn’t read the New Yorker article on gonorrhea.

    1. Horrible Advice says:

      @Horrible Advice That’s what antibiotics are for!

  • ugh says:

    @ugh Fat-naked isn’t always grosser. Don’t body-shame, bwog.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Personally, as a girl, I would prefer the conciliator option.

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