May

9

Senior Wisdom: Tyler Benedict

Written by

Tyler Benedict

Tyler Benedict

Today’s First Senior Wisdom: Tyler Benedict, from CUMB and other annoying things. Want to get more annoyed? Go watch him read at Orgo Night tonight.

Name, Hometown, School: Tyler Benedict; Dayton, OH; CC.

Claim to fame? I’m the annoying guy from Orgo Night and all those CUMB videos. For a brief moment I was also annoying on TV.

Where are you going? Right now? Probably to HamDel. Why, where are you going?

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  • Haters gonna hate.
  • You will have the best conversations with people who disagree with you, even if said conversations don’t always feel good.
  • If you want a quiet place to poop, head to the seventh floor of Dodge (h/t Ziyad Abdelfattah).

Back in my day…Ferris didn’t suck, gifs weren’t a thing, and there was still a line at the package center.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I don’t know…I give nice hugs? Honestly, I have no idea why I exist, I’m sort of waiting for a meteor to come down and end the whole charade.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To JJ’s curly fries: I couldn’t have done it without you. We made it, baby.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Last time I checked, you couldn’t get free blowjobs at Westside on Fridays. So yeah, I’ll stick with cheese.

One thing to do before graduating: Go on a road trip with the marching band. We promise you’ll remember most of it.

Any regrets? I probably should have said hello to a lot more of you than I did. But as a wise man once said: no regrets, Texas forever.

 

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29 Comments

  1. Texas Forever  

    JJ's curly fries. Preach.

  2. Anonymous  

    Tyler is literally the nicest and funniest person of all time! He's so friendly to everyone he meets and manages to be such an effortless comedian. I'm really lucky to have gotten to know him briefly before he graduates!

  3. Westside Shopper

    Wait—I was supposed to pay for those blowjobs? Awkward...

  4. Anonymous  

    This SW was annoyingly lame.

  5. One of the best guys I've ever met  

    It's been an honor, sir.

  6. JJ14  

    That's three senior wisdoms now from JJ14 2009-10!

  7. Anonymous  

    lyke dis if fnl makes u cry evry time

  8. Anonymous  

    hmmm, yummy,,, "cumb"

  9. Anonymous

    is he single? is he straight?

  10. Anonymous

    You sound like a senior asshole.

  11. jj 14'  

    jj 14 fo' life!

  12. FNL 4EVA  

    Just when you thought he was taking this whole thing as a joke, he quotes Mr. Tim Riggins. You clearly have at least some shit together.

  13. anon

    Tyler is the best. Go get a hug from him while you can!

  14. Orli

    Tyler, you're the best. you absolutely nailed orgo night once again and writing it with you has been the best part of college so far. twas a gift to learn from the master.
    Carry on my wayward son!

  15. G(tb)^2  

    "One thing to do before graduating: Go on a road trip with the marching band. We promise you’ll remember most of it."

    So true.

  16. clear eyes, full hearts

    can't lose.

    congratulations ty ty baby!

  17. clear eyes, full hearts

    can't lose.

    congratulations, ty ty baby.

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