Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
Articles

BwogSex: Committed.

wait what who said that

Carefully wrap your dick and place it in your refrigerator

After this week’s tipped stackssex, one of you crazy readers took our bait and anonymously sent in a story. And here we present it to you: effectively debunking the myth that no one at Columbia is in a relationship. If you would like to share your own story, email sex@bwog.com or use our anonymous tip form.

We both know it’s better when I lead the sex.

For the past three hundred or so times that we’ve done it, we’ve split it up about evenly, but I only get off when I’m the one that approaches him and climbs on top. I think I’m a far superior kisser and manipulator of…situations. I might be more experienced, and he might have been a virgin when I reached him. I allow him the hotdogs in a hallway jokes when they happen, rolling my eyes, because I’m so tolerant.

But he pounds away. I come up with a fantastic new idea! The Even-More-Minimalist Condom™! It’s only attached at the head! As he goes about his work, I gesture how long it would be, how to put it on, mentioning that it should be adhesive-y, like Saran Wrap!

He shudders at the thought of adhesive.

“Breaking news,” he says. “XX’s condom gets 180,000 women pregnant; STD rates have risen to all-time highs.” He plunges back in.

Our usual Pandora station plays Flosstradamus and the like. He’s sensitive about not matching the rhythms of the songs, which leads to some interesting syncopation and uncertain looks about the chosen rhythm from both of us.

“From the Back” comes on. It always comes on. I would let him cum on me, but he says it kills the mood to have to pull out. We’re doing missionary, and Flosstradamus continues to repeat “From the back, from the back, from the back, from the back.” Did he just record those three words once, and then his sound engineers copy-and-pasted, creating the song in like four minutes? What if I didn’t have to take the 80 bpm x 6 minutes = 480 thrusts, but just one, and then it repeated in his mind and not in my body? What if every day of my life could repeat like that, so I would just be on autopilot, making the motions but not there mentally?

“I’m cumming,” he grunts.

“Ooooh,” I moan.

“Ahhhh.”

 Seriously do not try this at home via Wikimedia Commons

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

14 Comments

  • Jl says:

    @Jl Why are there so many posting related to sex? Bwog – who are your editors….as they suck

    1. seas '16 says:

      @seas '16 because sex = good

      also, to answer your question: http://bwog.com/about/

    2. Alexandra says:

      @Alexandra You rang?

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous This sounds made up.

  • person says:

    @person whoever wrote above me clearly isn’t getting any! GO BWOG SEX!

    1. robot says:

      @robot beep boop

  • Dogelas says:

    @Dogelas >Having vanilla sex to Flosstradamus

    such college very wow

  • says:

    @† v good

  • lol says:

    @lol pics (and videos) or it didn’t happen.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous I agree.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous if you’ve had sex three hundred times and it’s still unsatisfying, there’s no one to blame but yourself.

    As the saying goes: “Sex me bad once, shame on you. Sex me bad twice, shame on me.”

  • This reads like says:

    @This reads like someone’s “fifty shades of grey” fantasy, down to the awkward narration tone.

  • Have Your Say

    Worst author on Butler Library?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Favorite Comments

    I am sure you find his BFFs Trumps name using those parlors too. (read more)
    Columbia Alum And Donor Robert Kraft Charged With Soliciting Prostitution
    February 22, 2019
    does midsentence mean directly in the middle of a sentence? (read more)
    Callout To Professors Who Clearly Don’t Know What Midterms Are
    February 22, 2019

    Recent Comments

    I am sure you find his BFFs Trumps name using those parlors too. (read more)
    Columbia Alum And Donor Robert Kraft Charged With Soliciting Prostitution
    February 22, 2019
    does midsentence mean directly in the middle of a sentence? (read more)
    Callout To Professors Who Clearly Don’t Know What Midterms Are
    February 22, 2019
    this is exactly the content i come here for. thank you. list is a bit scant no? esp on the (read more)
    Free Tissues Around Campus
    February 22, 2019