It’s midterm time so Bwog is continuing one of our favorite types of series: archetypes, specifically College Walk Archetypes. We all recognize certain people/groups of people as we sprint from Ferris to Havemeyer in the morning. Mind you, our idea of “College Walk” is really anything from Butler to Low, so be prepared for some real nut jobs interesting individuals.  For this round, we give you the tale of the troublesome tourists from resident misanthrope Kevin Chen.

It cost you a lot of money and effort to visit New York City, so you want to visit all the tourist attractions before you leave: Wall Street, Times Square, Grand Central, and of course, Columbia University. Because the last one is totally on par with the others.

You and your amorphous blob of people and fanny-pack loudspeakers meander down College Walk, gathering around Alma Mater and asking a student who’s late to class to take a picture. With an iPad. Because why not? It’s an important-looking statue! Just like the Statue of Liberty! Never mind the fact that using your iPad as a camera is about as graceful as taking a picture with a clipboard.

All we ask is that you MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, but even that seems too difficult for you.  By all means, each of you shuffle in opposing directions so that as a collection you move nowhere.  Block the walkway between Lerner and College Walk while you’re at it, and be sure to plaster a moronic smile on your face while you completely ignore the huffing-and-puffing student behind you, whose *considerate* grunts of annoyance surely do not indicate that he or she is in a rush.

Yes, Columbia was beautifully breathtaking the first time we visited too.  But that was one/two/three/four years ago, so now we hate you.  Please just take your tours at non-peak hours (preferably in the dead of night to avoid all possible interaction) and be on your way.  Thank you.