It’s confusing, we know.

So you’ve bitched and moaned about housing for weeks on end, and the day has finally come: today is the very first day of 2014 Columbia housing registration. But, alas, for something so intrinsic to your happiness, you have no idea what you’re meant to be doing. No worries—Momma Bwog’s here for you in your time of desperate need.

If you lucked out and somehow managed to convince the school you care about other humans got into the LLC, what are you doing reading this? Go rub the 124 sq. ft. Wallach single of your dreams into your lesser friends’ faces. Your registration already happened and you’ll be finalizing rooms this Friday.

For the rest of us who aren’t guaranteed actual kitchens, as per that email you still haven’t read, housing registration has officially opened up! There are three ways you can register: in-person group, online group, and online individual. Groups can have up to eight members, and if you’re a sophomore especially, make sure your group has an even number or choose Claremont (or else decide in advance who’s going to drop down into online).

If you’re in a group, remember that you still have to register individually! Here’s where it gets hairy: you’ll pick the same category, and your group leader will make a group name and password and basically call all the shots. Once your group account’s been made, everyone in your group needs to log in and add themselves to the group. Once everyone’s in, team leader will verify the group, and then finally, finally (sweet baby j, finally) every member has to finish their individual application, including the statement of interest.

If you’re in an atypical situation (read: you’re living in Barnard, off-campus, or studying abroad), just make sure to select the appropriate category. If you’re living Greek, an RA, or an RA rider (we hate you), indicate accordingly on the statement of intent page. SIC members also have it pretty easy.

Well, you’ve made it this far. How hard can it possibly be?

Confused dude via Shutterstock