On the stage is His Excellency Shinzo Abe, Prime Minister of Japan, as he is introduced by President Bollinger.

This past week, leaders from around the world gathered on campus at The World Leader’s Forum. From Tunisia to Sweden, world leaders opened a forum for discussion on a range of topics relevant across countries. Global guru Henry Litwhiler relays his experience at one of the forums below.

Even the most unobservant readers will have noticed the obscenely long line stretching from the entrance of Low to the sundial and then halfway to Broadway around 4:30 this Monday. People towards the front of the line were waiting to see Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe speak and respond to students’ questions; those towards the end of the line were waiting to see a hodgepodge of Public Safety, NYPD, and mysterious men in suits tell them that the event had been oversubscribed.

So, what did the unlucky masses miss? First, waiting. The event didn’t begin until 5:50, a full hour after doors opened. This was more than enough time for those in attendance to begin asking the tough questions: Why gold curtains? Shouldn’t there be snacks? Where’s the chamber music?

All was forgotten when Prezbo and Abe made their entrance, to the disappointment of your correspondent, with neither dramatic spotlights nor something classy yet sensual blaring over the sound system.

Bollinger’s welcome address started with general praise of Abe’s leadership, before moving to platitudes about Japan’s role in the “global sphere” (the redundancy of which occurred to none of his staffers, it would seem), with only the slightest hint of edge coming in his description of Abe’s economic policy package as “a matter of great debate.” Prezbo went on to vie successfully for the prize for most euphemistic usage of the phrase “instilling a new sense of national identity.” This was, one might assume, an allusion to Abe’s patriotism training for primary students or denial of Japanese war crimes.

His enthusiasm apparently exhausted, Bollinger then described Columbia as “this university, in this city, our country’s great global center” instead of his typical “best university, best city” progression, and turned the microphone over to the distinguished guest.

Abe began with a brief history lesson on the Low Library, drawing on Seth Low’s father’s trade voyage to 19^th century Japan. Citing his desire not to “feel old” by dwelling on history, the Prime Minister moved on to flattery, recognizing the achievements of Columbia Professors Gerald Curtis and Hugh Patrick in the area of Japanese studies. Perhaps Abe was unaware that Curtis has criticized his denial of Japanese wartime sex slavery.

At this point, Mr. Abe was expected to field unscreened questions from members of the audience. Moderator Gerald Curtis, however, stepped in to ask that some particular students be given a chance to ask their questions before the floor was opened up to all in attendance. Reasonable enough.

First came a question on Japan’s labor troubles. Acknowledging the dangers posed by an aging workforce, Abe said that Japan needed to “tap the elderly.” On the declining birthrate, he suggested that Japan reduce its need for labor by investing in a “robot industrial revolution.” No word on whether the Japanese government had considered the possibility of the robots dropping “industrial” from that phrase.

Next came a question about the future of Japanese agriculture. Abe said that traditional agriculture preserves Japanese culture and the environment, but that a lack of innovation keeps young people from becoming farmers. He concluded with some vague comments about women being well suited to growing vegetables, even in a corporate setting.

The final question gave Abe an opportunity to discuss Japan’s demographic trends. In his eyes, much of the responsibility for Japan’s low fertility rate lies with the culture and government’s view of women. According to him, the government’s introduction of new childcare facilities will allow women to have both children and careers. Contrasting some of his controversial remarks about women in the past, Abe said that Japanese businesses should “draw upon women’s vitality,” even quipping that “if Lehman Brothers had been Lehman Brothers and Sisters, it would not have failed.”

At this point, students in the audience were to have posed unscreened questions to Mr. Abe. Citing the Prime Minister’s “busy schedule,” however, moderator Gerald Curtis said that the program would have to end there.