And the bite tasted oh so good!

While the Peter Bailinson Diet allowed Rachel to destress and simultaneously get in touch with her inner rustic New England side, Bwog’s own Lili Brown took to the Ricardo Morales Diet in hopes of strengthening campus security and building her network of (Public Safety) friends. Her gastronomic endeavors allowed her to reap the rewards that were only previously known by Ricky Roo. 

Monday

Dear Public Safety Friends,

Given Ricardo’s dedication to constantly filling our inboxes with exclusively pertinent information, I’ve figured that his food consumption is in a linear relationship with the amount of crime he dutifully reports. I check my inbox and lookie here—there’s already an email from Mr. Morales at 10:42 am, which means he’s probably already downed two cups of coffee and eaten a doughnut hole and a half, à la the real policeman he is. To match this policeman diet, I choose a grungy Morningside Heights coffee shop/borderline convenience store called Broadway Au Lait close to 122nd and Broadway for breakfast; I chug black coffee and stuff my face with pastries with the comfort of knowing that the Columbia community has been served yet another morning.

Empty inbox for the rest of this snowy afternoon – aka empty stomach for Ricky Roo and me. Meals are only meager rewards for successfully fighting crime.

Tuesday

Dear Public Safety Friends,

The 20 inches of snow has left Ricky Roo stranded at home in the Bronx and me stuck in the secured gates of the Barnard Quad. We are dismayed to find that 20 inches of snow basically obliterates all possibility of crime (but we are still looking for you with our email apps at the ready!). Since we were forced to cancel the Self Defense Class last night, disappointment fills our stomachs rather than real sustenance.

Just kidding, we both deserve this weekday break and are going to binge our sorrows away. Say hello to a day of Law And Order: SVU and endless bags of Skinny Pop from Costco. Next week’s episode will be guest starring Ricky as Stabler and yours truly as Olivia Benson (I’ve been told I look like Mariska Hargitay – I was born to be Ricky’s partner in crime).

Wednesday

Dear Public Safety Friends,

We’re back at work this morning and thus back on the scene. I slept in to celebrate Ricky Roo’s reunion with his desk, but also because I awoke too full from yesterday’s completion of all available SVU seasons on Netflix. I got to my 11:40 class and grabbed a light snack of ants on a rod afterwards (because Ricky is traditional like that and misuses memes often).

My phone lights up at 1:16 pm to denote that my newest email is from none other than Mr. Morales. I obviously don’t read it, dismiss the subject line (“Self Defense Class Rescheduled: How To Fend Off Burglars 101”), and run back to Hewitt to have my first meal in days with the comfort that Ricky Roo’s still looking out for us. I click my phone off with a smirk on my face as smug as McGruff the crime-fightin’ dog, the staple of Ricky Roo’s email signature.

McGruff the crime-fightin’ dog via Our CubMail Accounts