Pictured: modern day meet-cute

As we prepare to celebrate the emptiness we pretend isn’t there that finds us when we forget the sweet distraction of phones or alcohol love, let’s take a quick break to appreciate the little moments that brought us here. From the classic first gestures of grand affection, to the modern day Tinder meet-cutes, we present to you a gallery of the many forms those first attempts at romance can take, to serve as a remind of one the most powerful forces in the world: the overwhelming desire to remain single. 

Note: everything below based on a(n unfortunately) true story. 

The Traditional

• Anything that starts with “I wrote you a poem.”
• Anything that starts with “I wrote you a song.”
• Anything that starts with “I wrote you a note in binary.”
• “You remind me of St. Augustine’s Confessions.”

Love at First Tinder

• Whoooaa look out for this girl. She on fire
• If only, if only, if only I could get with a woman like you.
• Wanna play ;)
• My heart positively explodes at the thought of being with you.
• ;) Hey goddess
• “Is that pic* of you and your pops**?”
  *tinder picture is of me at my graduation with my 80 year old dean of students
  **my dad died a few years ago

Tinder Poetry

Hey, I know this is kinda weird and pushy haha, but would you like to have sex with me? I’m not a creep or a pervert, just a genuine guy. I would treat you with respect and the sex would be good. I can even make you squirt if the connection is right haha. I will not judge you or think you’re “easy.” So yeah, excuse me if I come across as a little uncalibrated but I think you’re attractive so what do you think? :) haha

The Missed (Tinder) Connection

Gal: “Is that car a hearse?”
Guy: “yeah I found it in a empty lot. it’s doesn’t actually run and its not mine hahaha”
Gal: ends the conversation now that it’s clear this dude doesn’t actually drive a hearse.

The Sentimental

A friend of mine back in high school was very fond of coffee, foxes, and, for some reason, the book “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.” As she was leaving band one day a boy slid a book into her bag and slipped away, a book which when inspected proved to be “If You Give A Fox Some Coffee.” Handmade, beautifully illustrated, and written to mirror the plot of its inspiration, the book starred a fox who bore more than a passing resemblance to my friend, and followed her on an adventure featuring other recognizable animals and tailored to my friend’s life and interests. It was very well done. My friend adored it.

Shame she had broken up with the boy just a few months ago. More of a shame they were both dating other people.