First years: you will meet this guy so many times.

The Atlantic’s Citylab put together an article using the story of a street artist both celebrated and sued to explore the contradictory mainstream appeal of outlaw urban art. And there is no way for you to talk about it without coming across as the worst as you will be: A) a Columbia kid telling someone in the city about urban art, which is the worst, B) a Columbia kid telling another Columbia kid who does not have any time about reading, which is the worst, or C) a first year talking at all, which is always just kind of the worst.

When people complain about the new Google logo, you can explain to them why they dislike it so much by referencing this New Yorker article. I mean, they were just making elevator conversation and you had to lecture them, but at least now they know you read the New Yorker.

Please don’t be the guy who brings up this Atlantic article about U.S. train policy. Because then you will be the guy talking about U.S. train policy.

First people will hate you when you are talking about this article because it is from the Wall Street Journal. Then they will hate you because they will realize it is a WSJ opinion piece. Finally they will leave a little confused because this article seems to strongly condemn Republican  congressmen advocating for a shutdown, which seems pretty reasonable. (BWOGFUNQUIZ 1: You have access to the WSJ through Columbia resources! How? BWOGFUNQUIZ 2: Some say the WSJ has literary merit! Where?)

Honestly, Bwog will buy you a pack of beer if you can find an article that sounds more pretentious than this ‘Illustrated Interview’ of David Eggers in the Times. If you find one, leave a link in the comments.

Smirking coffee assclown via Shutterstock