Through the Rabbit Hole, by means of an iron fist

Columbia students are great at finding new and creative ways to hurt themselves, physically and emotionally. Sometimes there’s a reward, but usually the result is deep and existential dread/the shattering of a once dearly-held worldview, just like an angry 1020 line-dweller shattered a V&T window during the wait to get in. To contribute, share details of your next weekend at tips@bwog.com.

Minimal Gain:

• “Choked by a stranger next to the soft pretzels in John Jay.”
• “Almost collided with Gulati when walking into SIPA today.”
• “Tweeted about being braless in my 8:40 and The Federalist favorited it and I was like pls stop why do u follow me pls leave me alone.”
• “Someone got angry and punched a hole thru the V&Ts window by the line for 1020.”
• “Chose Nikolai over Grey Goose.”
• “Ordered snickerdoodles from Insomnia at 2:30 am. Got a call from the manager: they were out of snickerdoodles.”
• “Awkwardly got stuck in the elevator with two athletes for three minutes. Overheard them saying, as I exited, ‘We ruined her night, man.'”
• “Sat on a statue at the Whitney.”

Some Gain:

• “Carried a really heavy microwave from International House all the way to Carman, and no one helped.”
• “Hooked up with a weekend visitor in a pal’s bed and slept there even though my roommate was out hooking up with someone else: a lesson in the importance of communication.”
• “Got caught by Public Safety on the roof of Mudd and after intimidation and some berating, was called a ‘tough cookie’ for not snitching on my friend, who was caught anyway.”
• “Took the GRE/my ex was there too.”
• “Washed my subway card after putting $20 on it.”
• “Last night I asked my ex if he wanted to get married for better financial aid.”