Falling apart just like our ambition to succeed

It’s the thick of midterms. Fall break is merely days away, but it feels like we will never escape the bleak days of studying in Butler and crying into our Blue Java coffee cups. Alas, we will make it through even the darkest of nights somehow. To ease the pain, we bring you some of the cruel realities we’ve stumbled upon during this semester’s midterm nightmare.

Tales from the darkness:

• “Just tried to schedule a birth control consultation at Columbia Health and the earliest appointment they had was November 24”
• “Either someone’s iPhone was stolen or someone left it here, because SOMETHING is currently making the Find My iPhone distressed alarm in Ref Room right now and it’s really unsettling”
• “Woke up at 6am because the person in the room above me was screaming (in a scary way, not in a drunk way). I called public safety and they sent someone to check things out, but idk what happened. Still pretty freaked out.”
• “Just saw one penis fountain empty, one overflowing. Metaphor for life.”
• “Just saw a girl get takeout delivered to her seat at Starbucks.”
• “This kid sitting across from me in Butler Cafe smells like he just went poopie in his pants”
• “Ina Garten currently playing on the TV in Diana LL2”