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Languishing In Lerner Sans Stapler

Lerner is lacking

Lerner is lacking

It’s missing—that beautiful, bold industrial stapler usually stationed at the front desk of Lerner. You’ve used it to staple everything from your 50-sheet long Anthropology readings and your pirated eBook of Sappho’s poetry to your print-outs of Chem lecture notes (because you never go) and the collection of quotes you’ve collected from your Biology professor. You used it carelessly, without thought or concern.

Is your current predicament deserved then? For the past two weeks, the automatic stapler has been replaced by the kind you can get at the corner store: cheap, ineffective, paling in comparison to its predecessor. When you were forced to use it, you sighed as the staple sunk only halfway through the stack of paper before you. By now, you’ve resorted to binder clips, or worse yet, nothing at all. Your backpack is a study in chaos. It’s just not the same, and everyone can agree.

This isn’t some abstract problem—there is not only a victim, but a culprit. When we asked the people at the front desk, they told us someone had broken the stapler and it was getting replaced. First off, how do you even break an automatic stapler? Secondly, should it really take two weeks to replace it? We’re not condoning a manhunt, but this is kind of really inconvenient.

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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous What about the key replacement fee??

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