They say that college changes you. The experiences you have, the people you meet, and the mistakes you make these four years will shape who you are for years to come – whether for better, for worse, or for something not quite on that spectrum. And no better evidence of those changes can be found than in the Overheard @ Barnard Facebook group.
Overheard @ Barnard was started by a few Barnard first-years who wanted to document the hilarious, insane, and sometimes downright ridiculous things they heard people say on campus. The group has since grown to include almost 400 members, most of them first-years, and all of them reporting overheards at Barnard (and a few not at Barnard).
After this group was called to Bwog’s attention, we decided to collect some of the best “overheards @ Barnard” and analyze what they say about the slowly growing insanity of the college’s student body.
The Desperate: “There isn’t a dick I wouldn’t suck for Hamilton tickets”
Really, sucking a dick for two and a half hours of hip hop about the Founding Fathers is a fairly reasonable exchange, if you ask us.
The Actually Managing Her Sleep Schedule: “why are boys booty calling me at 11??? don’t they know i HAVE A BEDTIME”
We all wish we could have a bedtime. How do you do it? Tell us your secrets.
The Dynamic Duo: “I’m the manic pixie lipstick lesbian, she’s a dick”
Are these Halloween costumes or not? Does it matter?
The Ready To Wear Nothing But Black For Five Years: “you would make a great widow”
Honestly, who needs a high GPA when you can marry rich and inherit millions?
The Pessimistic: “Carrots don’t feel love.”
Carrots definitely won’t feel any love with that attitude.
The Angry Feminist Stereotype: *holding an eggroll* “This is so phallic, I’m mad”
A phallic symbol means male dominance, male dominance means patriarchy, and patriarchy must not be allowed to stand. At least, not at Barnard.
The Religious: “I GOT MATCHED WITH JESUS ON TINDER!!!!”
The obvious question is: why is Jesus on Tinder? How?
The Slowly Developing Into A Lesbian: “what class?” “clitical writing.”
The only kind of writing we really need to take.
The Thirsty For Kosher: “I love when a man knows how to match his clothes to his yarmulke.”
You have to be able to appreciate the simple things in life.
The Broke: “i think im going to date the next person i see at columbia just so i can drag my laundry over there and save me the 5 bucks”
They told us that Columbia’s “free laundry” added to their tuition, but when it’s 2am on a Saturday night and you only have one dollar bills, that fact isn’t particularly comforting.
The Punny: “where do thoughts…….go?” “thots go to carman.”
Everything questionable ends up at Carman eventually. It has been documented.
The Poor Labeler: “i don’t know which of my water bottles contain water and which contain wine”
This post had, unsurprisingly, several commenters offering to try all of them. For science, of course.
The Thirsty For Executive Branch: “i’d be willing to give up my future in politics to be malia obama’s lesbian scandal”
When Barnard dreams, it dreams of Malia Obabma’s future lesbian scandal, and the dreams are glorious.
The Inclusionary: “If you’re going to be an asshole, at least be a trans-inclusionary asshole”
Barnard is nothing if not intersectionally feminist.
The Ready To Die: “what are you doing?” “suffering”
All day, every day.
The Frequent Gym Visitor: “work it. achieve fratboy level disgusting. come out sweating butt-first. that’s the aesthetic.”
If you aren’t fratboy level disgusting, you haven’t truly worked out.
The All Of Barnard, Really: “why are men here”
Why are men anywhere? What do men do? What purpose do men serve? These are only a few of the questions Barnard students ask themselves every day.
The Meta: “Hashtag overheard at Barnard”
This Facebook group has barely existed for a month and it’s already becoming self-aware. We can only imagine what will happen in the coming months.
A stock photo Barnard student via the Overheard Facebook page