A symbol of everything unnatural, uncanny, and unexpected–and yet totally necessary.

Wow, crazy stuff keeps happening but…it almost feels like it’s meant to be? Columbia has been waiting for you all along, it seems, and its reach stretches from monuments on Wall Street and the sun-dappled greenery of Central Park to the emergency room and Butler (or are they one and the same?). As always, send in information that affirms your life has substance and/or a train wreck-like quality to tips@bwog.com.  

Thanks, World!

• “Got out of rehearsal in the Lerner Black Box at about 12:30 am and decided to sprint down all the ramps while listening to my shot from the Hamilton musical. It was an excellent decision.”
• “I am literally the MVP of my lab group: I just got all four of us extensions on a lab report (granted it’s because we have a poster and a presentation due this week).”
• “I thought I hated Amy Schumer then got sucked into watching all of the Inside Amy Schumer’s on YouTube.”
• “Got an ultrasound AND ate a donut all before 9:30 am today. This weekend is gonna be GR8.”
• “Got some oral sex dice at an EC sex positivity event.”
• “Just had a gr8 (free!) SoulCycle class.”
• “Tried to leave the dance floor literally five times at a party but couldn’t because the songs were too good :(“
• “A kid from my high school released a “mixtape” and it’s weird/hilarious.”
• “Turned down a Thursday night booty call to butter up my mom who had just flown into town for Hamilton tickets. It worked and was absolutely worth it (even though we felt completely out of place being the only black people in the entire audience).”
• “Just found out that, although I only have 2 finals, they’re on the exact same day at the exact same time. Thanks Columbia.”
• “No one was using the washing machines in Wien Friday afternoon so I split my laundry into 4 loads because #FreeLaundry4CU”
• “Looked forward to cleaning my room all Saturday.”
• “Went running in Central Park and didn’t get lost, to the shock and awe of literally everyone I know.”
• “2 different bosses got me high 2 nights in a row.”
• “My roommate and I woke up this morning to find the dining room of our suite littered with popcorn and toilet seat cracked all the way through. Someone must have had a good night.”

Our Time is Valuable

• “Didn’t go to happy hour and regretting it cause it was apparently lit and all I did was read aloud from Rimbaud in the park and skip out on a friend’s birthday.”
• “Went to a hookah bar on St. Mark’s Place and we were sitting by window and these guys walked by and reached over and started pulling from our hookah.”
• “Woman I’m babysitting for lost her checkbook so no food outside of dining halls for me this week lol. On the upside she owes me about $500 next week.”
• And: “Ordered $35 worth of Seamless for self, have 25 cents in bank account because my babysitting mom hasn’t paid me yet.”
• “Got sober Koronet’s at 4 am Saturday morning after being in Butler all night.”
• “Went to the Met event thing. I was told there would be free wine but the wine was not free and so I had no wine at all.”
• “Went to 1020 for the first time in MONTHS to take pictures for BWOG.”
• “Had to leave a mixer early because I got way too high. Also spent almost no time at the actual mixer.”
• “Was taken out to brunch on the Upper East Side by a family I’ve been babysitting for. We ate, then took a walk in Central Park. The parents were both there the entire time and paid me $60 for 3 hours, on top of buying my meal. I love bougie UES moms.”
• “At one of my internships I worked on clothing that is going to be worn by TRAVIS SCOTT…….. (aka Rihanna’s boo). I literally sewed (badly) his clothes. Aah.”
• “Have been in this awful 10 am to 4 pm class with 90% grads, use the time to work on my pretentious nodding skills and update my resume.”
• “My friend bought me a “rehab shot” at juice press, which consists of cayenne pepper, lemon juice, and ginger. He made me down it in the store and I started crying/choking. Seems like the “Cinnamon Challenge” except you pay money ($3.50). It did nothing for me.”
• “Went on a field trip by myself because the professor forgot to tell me that it was cancelled.”
• “Almost went on a tinder date, but when he asked if we could meet half an hour later than planned, I said “no”. Then my friend told me to stop replying completely/un-match him. My time is valuable!”

Aggression and Regression

• “Sitting directly across from girl with Spectrum laptop sticker with my Bwog laptop sticker and feel like we have to fight now.”
• “Saw somebody on my floor getting reprimanded by the security guard with a Public Safety officer for giving somebody his ID to swipe in.”
• “Brought a first year back to my room for the first time this year (I lasted so long ugh RIP).”
• “Found an ex’s fiction online and it was objectively TERRIBLE.”
• “Ended up on Wall St. with two bottles of wine and no place to drink. Happened upon a raucous group of men in suits drinking (Rolling Rock…) openly on the steps of a national monument and decided to join them. Safety in numbers, right?”
• “Discovered the trashcan in my hall’s bathroom had been inexplicably moved to the center of the room.”
• “Called up my high school friends last night and every single one of them asked if I was drunk…”
• “Tuesday night, I CAVA’d myself for leg pain. Taken to St. Lukes, ER doc looked like Derek Shepherd, which almost made up for the fact that he told me nothing I didn’t already know and kept me 5 hours. While waiting for Public Safety to pick us up at 2 am, I opened Snapchat in front of the nurse, which turned out to be a dick pic. Nurse gave me suspicious look and then discharged me. Only plus of the night? Got a prescription for Percocet.”
• “In NoCo with a friend and people are TALKING ON THEIR PHONES. Like STFU.”
• “Hobbled around Harvard because of my very swollen knee. Cambridge is the bougiest place I have ever been in/its pristine nature just made me feel worse about my inexplicable injury.”
• “I wrapped myself in a blanket burrito (while simultaneously wishing for a real burrito).”
• “Went to Bettalona for dinner and the waiter looked just like my ex’s dad. As if that wasn’t uncomfortable enough, when I asked if we could split the bill between five cards, he said ‘anything for you!’ With a wink.”
• “I’ve been locked out of my Tinder account since July and they can’t delete it on the back end. My Tinder is broken and I hate my life uhhhhh SOMEONE FIX MY TINDER PLEASE.”