Us, re: our past

Thanksgiving will soon be upon us, and that means plenty of delicious things to look forward to: turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and other heavenly cuisine. But aside from the food, Thanksgiving also means human interaction, and lots of it. Interacting with relatives is one thing, but running into old friends (and acquaintances and enemies) is a whole different ball game. This week we received an anonymous question asking us for guidance on how to deal with seeing people from home. We thought we’d take this opportunity to not only answer this specific inquiry, but also provide assistance with confronting people from your past, whether it be an old frenemy, a former flame, or even a terrible teacher.

Dear Bwog,

I’m so excited for break and to reunite with my family after three months away from home. My friends from high school are planning a reunion as well, and although I’m eager to see some of them, I’ve fallen out of touch with a few others. There are two girls in particular, and it’s not that we had some sort of blow out fight – or even a falling out really – but we no longer have anything in common, and I know it’s gonna be uncomfortable after this much time apart. What if we have zero to say to each other? What should I do?

Thanks in advance,
Anticipating The Awkward

Dear Anticipating The Awkward,

It is totally understandable that you feel this way. Returning home can be stressful for many reasons. But try to focus on the positive: you get to see your friends and family, which it sounds like you’re already happy about! When it comes time to greet those friends who you’re not so close with anymore, take it in stride. People grow apart, and that’s okay. You’ve all probably found friends at college by now with whom you have much more in common, and that’s okay, too. Maybe those two girls feel just as apprehensive about seeing you as you do them. On the other hand, they might be completely oblivious to any awkwardness that you perceive. But after all, you’ll never really know until you’re face-to-face with them.

So go into the situation confidently, knowing that whatever happens, happens. A big group reunion might mean that the presence of your other friends will balance out the weirdness. If that’s true, and the conversation starts flowing, then all is well! Let yourself reconnect with them and enjoy the brief time you’ll get to spend together. If it turns out that the social gathering isn’t feeling so natural, take the initiative and ask about their lives. It can be something as simple as, “How’s college so far?” or, “Any cute people in your classes?” Conversation, even if it feels a bit forced, is better than staring at each other in silence. And showing a genuine interest in what’s going on with them may help to get the conversation going. Who knows? Someone may mention something that brings back an old memory, and before you know it, you may end up reminiscing about the past. If all else fails, fall back on your other friends for help. Following along with their topic of conversation will at least get you through the reunion.

We hope this advice was somewhat helpful. We also want to provide a few tips for running into other various types of people from home.

The Frenemy
First and foremost, take the high road. You’re in college now, which means you’ve moved on from high school (and if you haven’t, you at least want others to think you have). Even if whatever the frenemy did to you still stings, remember that you have new and better friends at college, and you’re so much better off now. This is the only time you’ll have to see them for a long time, and even this time won’t be long. At most, this encounter will last a few minutes, and those few minutes will consist mostly of small talk. Let’s face it, you don’t have much to say to each other, and odds are he/she doesn’t really want to be talking to you anyway. So try to complete the interaction smoothly and get out of there as fast as you can, without delving into deeper topics. Keep it polite, ask about how they’re doing, and then excuse yourself from some reason or another. They’ll most likely be relieved as well.

The Ex
Honestly, you should just be glad they’re already your ex at this point. If you’ve never heard of the Turkey Dump, look no further than the definition offered by Urban Dictionary. While others are breaking it off with their SO’s during this Thanksgiving break, you’re multiple steps ahead. So what do you do now that you have to face them in person? Hopefully by this point you’re a few months out of the relationship and have had some time without contact, so that the wound is no longer fresh. But whether it was a bad breakup or not, running into your ex can still be difficult. First things first, remember: hiding is not going to work. It will most likely be unsuccessful and lead to even more awkwardness. Much like running into an old nemesis, keeping it short and sweet will make both of you happier. If one party tries to drag out the conversation, both parties end up lowkey dying inside. So face him or her head on, with your head held high, and try to seem as calm, cool, and collected as possible. This entire interaction is likely to turn into a series of one-ups, a competition between who can show the other that they’re doing just fine without them, thank you very much. The good news? This entire interaction can be kept to ten minutes max. Just remember to smile, be respectful, and then get your beautiful and mature ass outta there, in the words of Champagne Papi, onto better things.

That Teacher You Hate (Or Who Hates You)
You know the one we’re talking about. We all had ‘em at one point in high school. They probably gave you a B+ on that paper that you knew you should have gotten an A on, or they never used your homework response as an example, or they called you out for talking in class every day (and I mean really, it wasn’t your fault that your post-lunch gossip sesh coincided with World History II). So now it’s November 26th, you’re in the grocery store with your mom, shopping for that perfect turkey, and who else comes walking down the aisle but Mrs. Crabapple. With her pursed lips and tweed skirt, she looks just the same as she did three years ago (and in your nightmares). You want nothing more than to finally tell her off. She’s no longer your teacher, therefore she has no power over you anymore, therefore your best option is to speak your mind, right? Wrong. But since you are in the grocery store, a run-in may be able to be avoided – unlike with your ex, hiding may actually work in this scenario. Just sprint into the next aisle, or find the nearest bathroom and tell your mom to meet you in the checkout line once she’s found the perfect turkey. Don’t be afraid to think big. Sweeping all the cereal boxes off the shelf in an effort to cause a distraction (cleanup on aisle 7!) may be your only hope in evading the gaze of Mrs. Crabapple. This means less time making small talk with her, and more time making small talk with loved ones back home. And after all, isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?

Possible reaction for the upcoming weekend via Shutterstock